Sat. May 11th, 2024







Long after Vashawn is gone, I sit alone in my bed thinking of the life we once shared. I allow the tears to fall, it is hard. Days like today are the hardest because I feel angry and stupid, how could I have allowed a mere man to hurt me so much to a point where it has become so hard to see anything good in people let alone trust them. The kids are the only good thing I got from thing I got from the excuse of a marriage.


I think of Marsha, what she must be going through because I know for her age it must be really hard to understand all this.


Am not sure at what point I sleep but I am only woken up by my alarm for 4:30AM, I am surprised I slept that much because of late I have been having trouble sleeping.


I say a little prayer before getting out of bed, even as I am starting my day I am dragging my feet because how I slept wasn’t comfortable at all. I start by brushing my teeth in the bathroom, then wear a robe on top of my pajamas before going to the kitchen.


‘Good morning.’ I say to Nancy


‘Good morning.’ She responds


I grab a mug cup from the cupboard and make myself some detox tea, I have been using it for my tummy though honestly I feel like I am just wasting my money because the difference has been minimal.


‘How did the kids sleep?’ I ask sitting down


‘Marsha slept well, though Laura might be running a fever.’


‘How so?’



‘We barely slept, one minute she was cold the next she was feeling hot.’


‘Why didn’t you wake me up?’


‘You usually have trouble sleeping, I was thinking it’s best I let you sleep.’




‘And how is she now?’


‘She just managed to sleep an hour ago.’


‘Don’t wake her up, I will have her checked. Just prepare Shawn and Marsha.’ I say


I go to the girls’ bedroom and Marsha is fast asleep, I go over to where Laura is sleeping and touch her neck for temperature – her body is really hot. I remove the covers and wet a face cloth then use it to wipe her face.


She groans softly


‘Hey baby.’ I say


She stretches her little hands and wraps them around my waist


I smile, I could live for this moment any day.


‘I don’t feel too fine.’ She says in a low voice


‘I know baby, we will get you checked later.’


‘I don’t want injections mummy.’


‘I will try and negotiate with the doctor so that they don’t give you injections if at all you are sick.’ I say kissing her forehead


She smiles and pulls the covers


‘I am cold.’ She says


I touch her neck again and notice she has become cold, this gets me worried and now I will have to call Coldy and tell him I will report late for work because I need to take Laura to the clinic.


‘Good morning mummy.’ Marsha greets


I didn’t even realize that she is up


‘Good morning baby.’ I respond smiling at her


‘IS she okay?’ she asks looking at her little sister


‘She will be.’


‘Do you want me to do anything?’


I smile, this child is growing right under my eyes and I couldn’t be more proud.


‘No baby, just be you.’ I respond instead


I go back to the kitchen to make sure Nancy has started baking for the kids, when sure that she has; I go back to the bedroom and start making my bed. By the time I am done cleaning my room, Marsha and Shawn have already taken their bath and are seated on the kitchen table waiting for their breakfast.


‘Good morning mummy.’ Shawn greets in a low tone


‘Hey baby.’ I respond going over to kiss his forehead


‘Mummy can I stay home too?’




‘I will be babysitting Laura.’


‘Why do you want to babysit your elder sister?’ ‘Because she is sick and has turned into a baby.’


I really want to laugh at his logic but I choose not to burst his bubble ‘So I can baby sit her right?’ he asks again ‘Next time baby, next time.’


‘You are the one getting sick tomorrow right?’ he asks looking at Marsha ‘Shawn!’ she exclaims


‘What? I was just asking.’ He responds burying his head in his bowl of cereal I just shake my head.


At 7 the driver is outside and ready to pick them up, I help carrying their bags and walk them to the vehicle.


‘Have a good day.’ I say to Shawn who goes in first.


‘You too mummy and don’t go out for ice cream without me.’ ‘It’s Tuesday.’ I respond


‘I know Laura is pretending to be sick so that you can baby her.’ ‘So that I can what?’


‘Baby her, tell her I am your baby. Only me.’ He says blowing his cheeks ‘I hear you baby.’ I respond


Surprisingly Marsha hugs me


‘You are the best mummy any child can ask for, I don’t want any one else as my mother if not you.’ She says full of emotion


‘I will always be your mother, the only one in your life.’ I say making her face me


Her eyes are glistering with tears


I kiss her forehead hard


‘I love you and I will do everything in my powers so that you always feel and know it.’ I say


‘I love you.’ She responds


‘Now go and be a good girl.’


She smiles, I hand her the bags and close the door for her. I wait by the door until they have driven out.


When back in the house, I decide to call Vashawn to tell him about Laura not being okay but then decide to call Coldy first. He tells me to take the day off if need arises and I tell him that my phones will be on if need arises.


When I call Vashawn, it is Cassie that picks up.


‘What do you want calling at this hour?’ she asks


‘Can I please talk to Vashawn?’


‘Whatever message you have for him, I can give him.’


I sigh deeply, I have unsettled scores with her and right now is not the time.


‘Cassie there is a good reason that I am calling you at this hour and if Vashawn is the person I want to talk to I would suggest you give him the phone.’ I say



She clicks her tongue


‘The mother of your children.’ I hear her say


I am guessing he wasn’t in the room




‘Good morning.’ I say


‘Morning why are you calling me this time?’


‘Laura is sick.’


‘What is wrong with her?’


‘She has a fever, I will be driving to the hospital in the next hour. I thought I should let you know.’


‘Thank you, I will meet you there.’ He says


I drop the line


I get myself ready and by the time I am done Nancy has prepared Laura as well, I asked her that she makes her some soy porridge and sadly she hasn’t eaten much.


We drive to Mum’s clinic where I am insured, I have already called my doctor and she is expecting us.


‘Good morning Michel.’ She greets as warmly as ever


‘Good morning.’ I respond shaking her extended hand


‘Hey little one.’ She greets Laura whilst squatting


Laura just smiles weakly



We walk with her to her office then settle down


A few minutes later Vashawn joins us.


‘Hope I am not late.’ He says


‘You are just in time.’ The doctor says


She runs some tests and after twenty minutes we have the results, Laura has malaria plus and has been put on medication. We thank the doctor and the leave the clinic.


‘Let me go with her.’ I look at him as if he is crazy


‘Are you okay?’ I ask after putting her in the car


‘You couldn’t take care of her and that is why she has malaria.’


‘Vashawn are you hearing yourself?’ I ask bewildered


‘That place you are keeping my children is not safe, I am sure it has stagnant water somewhere and outgrown weeds that’s why she is sick!’


I look at him at a loss of words.


‘Vashawn grow up!’ I yell wanting to walk away but he holds me


I am furious, I am mad and in my heart of hearts I just want him to do anything stupid and I won’t be responsible for my actions but instead he crushes his lips on mine. Igniting the fire that has been dying out and I stand there and let myself go in his arms.


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