Wed. May 29th, 2024



I woke up with lots of thoughts about life and living, death and dying; why bad things happen to good people and why good people never last.


Then a verse of the scripture came to my mind and I quickly picked my bible and read from the book of Isaiah 57: 1. It reads:



The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil (N1V)


This verse gave me some sort of comfort regarding the demise of Tony. I then said my prayer and started getting ready for Tony’s funeral scheduled for 10am


I got to the church where the funeral service was being held right after Rev Andrews had finished preaching. Marcus was called up to read a funeral oration for his friend Tony.


Marcus looked nothing like he did the last time I saw him. He had lost so much weight and looked very stressed and sad. Wearing a black trouser, black suit, black shirt, black tie and very dark glasses, he walked as though he was being aided by the wind, and stood behind Tony’s white coffin.


For well over 7 minutes, he did nothing but bit his shivering lips and turned his head from one direction to another as though every direction he faced, hurt his eyes. He finally garnered the courage to speak :

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Marcus: Although it is summer, Today is very cold. In fact, it is the coldest day of my life. (Holding the coffin) Tony, the world is too cold without you and a cold world it would remain for me until I breathe my last.


You said this isn’t goodbye. I agree, this isn’t goodbye but this is murder! This is pain, this is heartbreak and this is goodbye to love, understanding, peace, and everything good!


You came into my life and became everything to me. The brother I never had, the father I never knew, the mother I never knew.


Yes you are all my eggs in one damn basket!!! Here today in front of me, that basket that has all my egg in it, has fallen, all my eggs are broken. Tony, lying here with you, is my entire world, go with it and I will be living in a world but having no world.


I will look after May and your unborn son.


Goodbye T


Goodbye my friend


Goodbye my brother



As Marcus read, you could hear people snivelling; tears rushing down their cheeks uncontrollably. Then Rev Andrews called May to say a few things about her late husband.


May wore a black Maxi gown and dark sunshades, she also had a huge bouquet in her hands and as she walked towards the coffin, Marcus walked behind her to ensure she is okay and to offer moral support.


She got to the coffin, bent down and kissed it, before leaving the flowers on top of it; she then picked up the micro phone and spoke.


May: (looking directly at the coffin) I remember our very first sane conversation at Miriam’s house. You asked me to tell you my story and I told you I had none. Truly I had no story, but you picked me up from the mud of life and gave me a story.


You gave me a beautiful story, babe. We have a story to tell the world, I wanted us to tell it together but you have left me to tell it alone.


Tell me how to survive in this wide world without you. You taught me how to love, how to forgive, how to do basically everything I know how to do today.


I am not here to tell this congregation about you and what you were to me because no amount of time will be enough to describe what you mean to me.


I am just here to let you know that my days without you here will be lonely


My nights without you will be cold. So freezing cold…(silence…tries to hold back


tears )


It’s harder than I thought . It’s hard sweetie!


Maybe because you never let me handle any difficult situation on my own. You were my hero. You still are.


You didn’t teach me how to live without you, why then did you leave me!


My wings broke the moment the winds took you away from me. How do I fly without wings!


How do I describe you to our son when he is born? How would I answer his innocent questions?


Pictures won’t do, sweetie, pictures won’t do!


Lying in this box is my life, my love, my world my all. This is all of me in a box!


Babe, even though your stay with me was short, I am happy the universe allowed you to stop by.


( May turned towards the direction where I was seated drowning in the ocean of my own tears, and said)


Rossy, tell my story to the world. When you do, please do not hide my ugly past from them.


please tell them what an angel my sweetheart was and please do not fail to mention what a great friend Marcus is.


When they read my story, I hope they sympathise with me but most importantly, I hope it teaches them, that no matter how broken and shattered you are, God is able to fix you and make something beautiful out of you.


God through Tony, fixed me. I am something no one thought I would ever be today.


Henceforth, and until I breathe my last, I shall be bleeding tears and crying blood. Therefore, title my story “BLEEDING TEARS, CRYING BLOOD”


Me: (tearfully) I promise!


May: (placed her hand on the coffin) Thank you sweetie, thank you the world’s best husband, friend and lover.


See you on the resurrection morning.


I shall recognise you by your charming smile. Don’t lose it.


Goodnight baby!



May dropped the microphone and broke down in tears, Marcus held her. I quickly went up to her and gave her a hug. I held her left hand while Marcus held her right as we followed the undertakers to Tony’s final resting place.



May: Marcus, are you going to watch them bury Tony? You are going to allow them throw those heavy sands on him? Rossy, please do not let them bury my Tony, he might just wake up at night. can’t we just wait a few more days? (screams) Tony wake up!!! Can you hear you hear me baby????


(Marcus, May and my now shattered self, wept loudly as we assisted May to the grave side.


As Tony was being lowered to the grave, the Choir raised this song:


Asleep in Jesus, blessèd sleep,


from which none ever wakes to weep;


a calm and undisturbed repose,


unbroken by the last of foes.


Asleep in Jesus, O how sweet,


to be for such a slumber meet,


with holy confidence to sing


that death has lost his venomed sting!


Asleep in Jesus, peaceful rest,


whose waking is supremely blessed;


no fear, no woe, shall dim that hour


that manifests the Savior’s power.


Asleep in Jesus, O for me


may such a blessèd refuge be!


securely shall my ashes lie


and wait the summons from on high.


Asleep in Jesus! Far from thee


thy kindred and their graves may be;


but there is still a blessèd sleep,


from which none ever wakes to weep.


May and Marcus did not stop crying until the grave was fully covered with Earth. By this time, I was absolutely a wreck. The tears had triggered my migraine and I


couldn’t drive. Marcus asked one of his friends to drive my car while I joined them


in his…..








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