Fri. Jul 19th, 2024

Segun arrived my house at 5:50am in the morning

and met me and my co-tenants outside mourning and

discussing in groups as if someone died .

SEGE: guy, wetin do your number?, e no dey waka?

And wetin dey happen here?, person died?

ME: phone kee?. Our compound was robbed last

night and my phone was taken away with my laptop

SEGE: haaa!!, no wonder you were all outside at this


ME: **sober** na so we see am ooo

SEGE: se na only you dem rob?

ME: at all, they robbed the whole compound and took

away all valuables. Mummy tolu and her daughter

was even raped sef

SEGE: haa, na wa oooo.

ME: the thing tire me

SEGE: hope you have prepared for your trip?

ME: prepare kee?, how will I go about my credentials

when my phone and system had been stolen?. Even

my nokia torchlight is gone? And how will I contact

my uncle?

SEGE: no wahala. I will give you my android phone

with my line, I will be calling you with my nokia

touchlight that has my second line.

ME: then how will I go about the documents.

SEGE: along the journey, you would re-download the

stuffs on this phone and print it out using the card

reader I will give to you.

ME: ok pal. But how about the one you wanted to

scan to me?.

SEGE: I will give the guy your mail, so he would scan

it and send directly to your mail and you can print it

out also.

ME: what about my uncle, I need to contact him. I

have never been to his place in Ado before. And my

line is gone, how will I locate him? Since he won’t be

able to reach me?

SEGE: don’t you know his line offhand?

ME: I swear I don’t

SEGE: its easy, sebi you dey use blackberry?

ME: yes

SEGE: and you registered blackberry account with

your email address?

ME: yes

SEGE: and your uncle’s number is saved on the


ME: yes

SEGE: then all your contacts are backed up on your


ME: how?

SEGE: just log in to your yahoo mail address and on

the homepage, click on contacts.

Me: are you sure I will find it?

SEGE: yes, I’m very sure.

ME: chaii, its really good to have a “tech guru” as a


SEGE: **laughs***. Time is no more on our side, go

and bath and then dress up

ME: ok, help me to sign in into my mail and be doing

the stuff while I bath.

SEGE: ok, wetin be that your password sef?,

“adebimpe” abi?

ME: you no well. Its the same with the one I used for


SEGE: **laughs*** ok.

I rushed to the bathroom to shower and brush my

teeth. I dressed up and picked my remaining

credentials, some other things. And by 6:08, I’m done

and ready. By this time, segun was busy downloading

my credentials from my mail. We both walked out

and I locked the door. He followed me to the taxi and

we boarded the taxi together, he showed me how to

access my contacts from my email and behold, all

my phone contacts was backed up on my phone. I

checked for my uncle’s number and dialled it.

ME: hi sir

UNCLE: hi, who is this?

ME: onihaxy sir

UNCLE: what happened to your line ?

ME: my phone was stolen sir, so a friend borrowed

me his phone.

UnCLE: anyways, where are you?

ME: at the park.

UNCLE: by this time?. I expected you to be almost

here by now, this is 7:05am

ME: I will soon be there sir. Akure to Ado is just

45minutes sir.

UNcLE: ok, safe journey

ME: thanks sir **hanged up****

Segun and I arrived at the park by 7:12am, he gave

me the phone and promised to keep intouch and also

ensure to tell the guy to scan and send the stuffs to

me. Segun returned home and I sought the service of

the food sellers at the park to fill my tummy before

the bus was filled up. At about 7:35, the bus was

filled up and set to move.

I was in the bus and I downloaded all the files into

the memory card. The phone battery was at 55% and

segun didn’t give me his charger. Oppps!!!!, I even

forgot to collect the card reader from him.


At 8am, my uncle almost drained the battery of the

phone with calls. “Where are you?, where are you?”.

At a point in time, I had to lie to him that the bus had

a flat tire and the driver stopped over to replace it.

The passengers closer to me were marvelled by my

lies and they opened their mouth wide at me. A lady

sitting behind me even said it jokingly that “bros!!,

you can lie oooo” and we all laughed it off.

At 8:50am, the bus arrived at ado and I alighted from

the bus.

“How do I print this stuff now oo?”

I looked at the opposite side of the road and I saw a

guy hawking phone accessories in a wheel barrow. I

screamed “eeeehssssss” and he stopped. I crossed

over to meet him and I told him that I needed a card

reader, he said he doesn’t have it. Then I thought of

it that a USB cable can do the work. I told him to

give me a USB cable for blackberry since it also

works for android phones. He said it cost 250naira

and I paid him after collecting the cable. I asked

from people around on where I could get a computer

center and I was directed to a shop down the road.

On getting there, the woman was just opening the

shop and I greeted her.

ME: good morning ma. Please I want to make a


WOMAN: you have to wait for me to sweep and clean

up the shop and pray.

ME: haaaaa!!!!, how long will it take to finish all


WOMAN:**holding a broom*** let’s say like 30

minutes sha .

ME: haaaa!!. Please ma, I need to submit this thing

at latest 9:30am or else, I will loose my career. This

is 9:03am please.

WOMAN: ** dimmed her eyes and looked at me**

ehn ehn!!!

ME: yes ma.

WOMAN: ok, black printing or coloured?

ME: coloured ma

WOMAN: your money is 300naira per print

ME: haa!!, pls ma, I always do it for 100naira back in


WOMAN: here is Ado not Akure, I can only do it for

200naira last price. If you can’t pay, then you can


ME: **na thunder go fire you. Because you don see

say na emergency abi?, no be your fault**. Ok ma,

let’s do it

WOMAN: where is your flash drive

ME: I’m printing from phone ma

WOMAN: phone? How?

ME: through USB cable ma.

WOMAN: haaa!!, will it work?, I haven’t done that


Me: it will work.

She switched on her system after dropping her broom

outside. I attached my usb cable to the system and

transferred the stuffs to her system.

Me: pls ma, you will use a thick certificate paper ma,

not ordinary A4 paper.

WoMAN: huuuh. You money is 500naira each oooo.

ME: ha ma, but why?

WOMAN: the price is different

ME: but its the same price in Akure ma. Its still N100


WOMAN: **frowned*** should I use A4 paper then or

you take it to your akure to do the Printing?

ME: ***phone ringing***, no vex ma, let’s make it

300naira ma, I beg of you ma. Please have mercy on


WOMAN: I will just consider that amount because I

have kids too and I want them to be successful like

you, I will consider the 350naira last price.

ME: ***picked call*** thanks ma. “Squeeze me”,

Hello segun, how you dey?, you number has been

unreachable since

SEGE: I had a flat battery ni. I just charged it

Me: ok, you forgot to give me the card reader

SEGE: oooops!, I didn’t even realized it sha. How will

you do it now?

ME: well, I purchased a usb cable and used it to

transfer the stuffs. I’m even at the computer centre


SEGE: that’s good. The guy said he has sent the

stuff. Check your mail box.

ME: ok, thank you, I will.

I checked my mail and downloaded the backpage

sent to me. I transfered it to the system. The woman

printed everything out and laminate them thereafter.

Chaiii, the thing looks 80% real. Just that the quality

of the ink was lesser than that of the original copy.

ME: woman, how much is my bill?

WOMAN: 1,200naira.

ME: haaa!!, for just 2 print outs?

WOMAN: I thought we have concluded on the price


ME: I don’t know its up to this amount ****phone


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