Fri. May 10th, 2024





I really can’t stop the tears from falling, I can’t believe that my girl has decided to go to a boarding school and now I have to let her go.



‘Mummy you know I will be just fine right?’ Marsha asks as I leave her by the school premises


This is after we have done all the necessary payments and orientation has been done. I could have taken her to any school of her choice but she decided on St. Monica’s and that is where we are.


‘Promise you won’t be crying every day.’ She says


I try not to cry some more.


‘Baby I will try not to call you every day.’


‘You heard the principle, we can’t talk every other day.’ She says between gritted teeth


‘Mummy I am fourteen and in my tenth grade, I will be fine.’


I bring her close to myself and embrace her really tight.


This child has seen some really bad days and I hope coming here will just give her a breath of fresh air.


‘Okay now we have to leave.’ I say taking a deep breath


‘Take care of yourself, you deserve to be happy.’


‘I know baby, you do too.’ I say holding her really close


I watch as she walks away from me, I can’t believe she is all grown and now she has to be here on her own without my supervision.


I stand for a while before I feel Jayden’s hands around my waist.


‘Look at you.’ He teases and I can’t help but laugh


‘I can’t believe we are leaving her behind.’



‘Unless you want to enroll as a pupil too.’


I look at him bewildered before I laugh


‘Ready to go?’


‘Sure.’ I say


We drive off but not for Lusaka, we have booked into a hotel because he said he wants me to get some air, honestly, I need it after everything that I have been through the past months.


We get to Protea Hotel by Marriott; our reservations were already made so now we just need to make the payment.


‘Good afternoon.’ The receptionist says with a smile


‘Good afternoon, we made two reservations earlier.’


‘Jayden and Michel?’ she asks


‘Yes please.’


She smiles


‘I actually thought you were young considering you didn’t use last names.’


I smile


‘Can you make it one double room please?’ I ask


Jayden looks at me


‘Are you sure?’


‘Positive.’ I respond



‘We have the queen’s suite if that might interest you.’


‘We will take it.’ Jayden and I exclaim at the same time before we laugh


She gives us the key and asks someone to lead us to the room, it is more beautiful than I had anticipated.


‘Enjoy your stay.’


‘Thank you.’ I say to the man


Jayden puts our things in the closet then goes to sit on the only couch in the room.


‘What?’ I ask


‘Are you sure about us sharing a room?’


I shrug my shoulders


‘Michel you know I like you.’




He shakes his head


‘Honestly, I do and I don’t want to be led on, I understand you are not ready to commit yourself to me or anyone. I understand you were totally broken to just pick up with someone but what I will never be okay with is if you try to use me.’




‘As blunt as it sounds it is the truth, you were committed to someone for a very long time. I don’t want to be here as a passerby.’


I move to where he is and he stands to meet my face.



‘I have been broken beyond repair, my world has been crashed right before my eyes and I am not saying every other person is like Vashawn but at least I want to make sure if ever I get into another relationship it will be for my benefit and the peace of mind of my kids.’


He looks at me


‘Jayden I am not an ordinary woman, I come with a broken heart and three children that will never understand why I am not with their father. I come with insecurities, I come with anxiety, I come with weight that continues to weigh me down. I come with so much more and trust me for someone who has never walked half a mile in my shoes it will be really hard for you.’


‘Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?’


I eye him


‘Michel I am not a child, I know what it feels like to be at a point of need. Maybe I will never know half the pain that you have gone through but I am ready to do this with you.’


‘Only if you allow me.’ He adds when I don’t respond


‘Let us take a day at a time.’


‘I am not promising you a fairytale, I am not promising you a happy ending. But all I can assure you is that I will be here and won’t leave your side no matter what.’


‘I can go with that.’ I say


He moves close and gently lifts my head with his hands, he tilts his head a little and meets my lips with his. He starts to kiss me slow, passionately. Then parts my lips with his tongue searching for mine, I feel him. I feel the kiss from my insides, this is something like I have never felt before and if he doesn’t stop, I am afraid I won’t be able to control myself.


He pulls away and looks at me from a distance.



‘The things I want to do to you.’ He says eyeing me


‘I just felt that between my legs.’ I confess biting my lower lip


‘Don’t do that Michel.’


‘Why?’ I ask biting it again


‘God, I wont be sorry for what I will do if you don’t stop.’


I laugh, I don’t remember being like this in a long time.


I start to remove my clothes as he watches, I have been working on myself and now I feel more confident about myself as I have lost some weight.


He stands there wordlessly starring at me until I am just in my underwear and bra, I watch as his breath increases. When I unhook my breath, a moan escapes his lips and I smile mischievously. Then I pick a bath towel and wrap it around my body.


‘Let me just a take a bath, will join you later.’ I say going into the bathroom and locking myself in there


I open the water and stand under the facet as the cold water pours on me, I really need it because the way Jayden looked at me made me feel so many different emotions all at once.






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