Sat. May 11th, 2024





I had done everything right except one last important detail; I had been pregnant for Katuta and Katuta was black as hell. I had been so focused on being Mrs. Acker that I forgot the baby I was going to give him would not even be close to his skin colour.


After the doctor had handed me the baby, I knew I was doomed. There was no way that I was going to hide this from Vashawn or his relatives.


I look at Vashawn, he has a confused look on his face but he says absolutely nothing.


He puts the baby back in the crib and walks out, his sister is looking at me.


‘well look at that.’ She says before laughing


‘Get the hell out of here.’ I respond holding on to the part where the operation was done


She looks at me like she wants to laugh but suppresses it



‘You know what Cassie, I was going to say that I hate you but that would be a lie. Actually I love you for my brother because you might just be his karma. You see I love Vashawn with everything in me but I don’t sit well with what he did to Michel and the kids. For a very long time I hated you and all the other women that he cheated on her with, but you my darling. You might just be my favorite. I have no idea what hell has for you but that is not even my concern because all I want is to see my brother suffer for the loss of a good woman and I am not saying this because I hate him; on the contrary I love him.’She says then walks out


I don’t know how to feel because honestly this is something that I didn’t see happening, now I have to deal with his parents.


After three days we are discharged, Vashawn hasn’t been back to see me and none of his relatives have come too. I am not shocked anyway; I have talked to Katuta and Catra and even though I would have loved for them to come through, it wasn’t going to be possible.


I have employed a live in nurse that is supposed to be helping with the baby whilst I try and get back on my feet.


We get home and I notice Vashawn’s car is not in his parking space, I straight away take a shower whilst the nurse helps with the baby. After eating I nurse it then lay down a bit. I am woken up with the sound of running water and I am guessing Vashawn is back. I look at the wall clock and I am surprised I slept that much, it is already after 6PM. Explains why I am feeling hungry, I get out of bed and wear a robe on top of the dress that I am wearing. I was told to keep as warm as possible so that the wound heals quickly.


He gets out of the bathroom and looks at me, I don’t bother to say a word to him. If he doesn’t want to talk well and good.


After having my dinner, I check on the baby. He is awake and honestly I have no regrets because I love Katuta and I know after I am done with Vashawn we will spend forever together.


‘I am going out, don’t wait up for me.’ He says walking past me


‘Just make sure you never return.’ I respond not even looking at him


He walks to the door then comes back


‘You really want me to stay here and do what?’


‘For better for worse, those words sound familiar?’


‘I didn’t sign up for this.’


‘Yes you did Vashawn, what were you thinking? that marriage is a walk in the park?’


‘I never said it was, I know of the highs and the lows but not this.’


‘This what?’


‘Cassie we have just been married four months and I was so excited about the pregnancy, are you going to pretend like that baby is mine?’


‘I never said it was yours.’


He looks at me, opens his mouth to say something but closes it.


‘Cassie you told me you were pregnant.’


‘I never said it was yours.’


‘How could you?’


‘How could I what? Are you telling me that you can’t raise another man’s child? Who do you think is going to raise your three kids? Are you telling me that the love has gone away now because this baby is black? Vashawn are you racist?’


‘Cassie stop it!’



‘Baby we made vows before the government and we are going to abide by those rules, I am your wife and no you won’t treat me like trash. You want to sulk because of this, go ahead but make sure to come around real quick because you are the man in my life and I need you present for my child.’ I say


He looks at me defeated, he has never seen this side of me and I don’t mind going an extra mile because he won’t treat me like he treated Michel. Maybe in the next life, not this one.




I don’t know what to feel, I don’t remember the last time I was this hurt. I don’t think I have ever been this hurt. I love Cassie and I was really hoping she is the one I get to spend my happy years with but now I am not so sure.


Against her will I drive out, I was going to go to Catra’s but I decide against it. Instead I drive to PHI, I don’t know what I am going to tell Michel but I feel it is the best place I want to go to.


After getting there I stay in the car for close to thirty minutes before finally going out. I knock at the door once when Michel comes out, she doesn’t look surprised to see me.


‘Hai.’ I say my hands dipped in my pockets


‘Hai.’ She responds

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‘I came to see the kids.’ I say


That’s my only scapegoat


‘They are sleeping, come tomorrow or another day but never this late. If anything when you want to see them I will be sending them to your parents and you can see them from there.’


‘It hasn’t come to that has it?’ I ask


She looks at me searchingly


‘Okay.’ I manage to say finally with defeat




As Vashawn walks away then finally drives off; I continue to stand there looking at nothing in particular.


I remember making him dinner like he was not the one that left food to get cold always, it was always like his love was a reward. I think of what he made me go through all those years; how I pulled myself up and finally learnt to breathe again. How I stopped drowning, how I became my own lifeguard, how I saved myself.


How many times I said yes when I should have said no, the times I allowed him to make my body his vacation. His ‘I love yous’ I mistook for affection when it was lust, how he ate pieces of my heart and turned me into a carcass, how he made me believe I was fat and ugly and worn out.


And here I am learning how to put myself back together; mending each stitch carefully. Here I am still making dinner and it’s okay to eat all by myself. Then he wants to come back and make me start all over? No Vashawn, life will not always be in your favor and you haven’t seen anything yet.




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