HURDLES
_15_
I don’t know about you but my lady part is the most stupid organ on my body, seconded by my heart of course because after my encounter with Vashawn; I have fallen in love with him all over again. It is like starting from the scratch and I don’t even know how to pick up the broken pieces.
‘Good morning.’ Coldy says Monday morning just when I settle into my desk
I have been avoiding him because after the truth moment we had had the other evening; I went right back and did what I told myself I wouldn’t do.
‘Good morning.’ I say feigning a smile
‘How is Laura feeling now?’
‘She is up and about, I am glad the malaria didn’t take a toll on her.’ I say smiling honestly this time around
‘That is nice to hear, you work well.’ He says turning to walk out
‘Coldy.’ I call stopping him in his tracks
‘Yes?’
‘I haven’t been avoiding you.’
He smiles
‘I hear you.’ He responds before walking out
I bury my head in my hands, I really can’t recognize myself anymore. At some point I had it all figured out, I knew what made my skin crawl, I knew what made me happy. Now I am just a shadow of everything I used to be. At lunch Vashawn
sends food for me with Afridelivery, he has sent steak and fries with steamed vegetables – my favorite and I can’t help but feel warm at heart. Just maybe he is regretting all this nonsense with Cassie and he wants to make it up to me.
After having my lunch, I get back to work hoping to get a few things done before I can finally call it a day. There is a knock at the door.
‘Come in.’ I say looking at my PC
I can’t miss the scent, I don’t even have to look up to know who has come in.
‘Good afternoon Sir.’ I greet
I had thought Roy was out of the country seeing I haven’t seen him in a while.
‘Sir? Really?’ he asks towering over me
I look at him shyly
‘When did steak and fries become your favorite meal?’
‘It has always been.’ I defend
‘What happened to oxtail and mashed potatoes?’
I look at him with a blank stare, steak and fries has never really been my favorite. It is just one of those meals that I have enjoyed but Oxtail and mashed potatoes somehow always managed to make love to my taste buds.
‘He never really knew you, did he?’
‘Roy you have no right meddling into my marriage.’ I say stronger than expected
‘Marriage? Michel what happened to you? You were so full of life, so down to earth. Your laughter could heal broken bones, you were the epitome of beauty. You made me want to be a better man. What went wrong?’
‘Please leave my office, I am not having this conversation with you.’
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‘Is this how you have chosen to live your life? You will continue to run until you have nowhere else to go to? Is this how you want you girls to grow up?’
‘What makes you think you have the right to judge me?’ I fire back
‘I am not judging you; I would never judge you and you know it.’
‘Then why the hell are you here? Your son is running the company quite alright I don’t see the reason why you have to be here in the first place. Why don’t you go back to your wife and be the husband that you are? Not many of us are privileged to have a good man in our lives.’ I say with a lump on my throat
‘I am not perfect.’
‘But at least you don’t walk out of your family to tie your life to another woman.’ I say tears falling
‘Let’s meet after work, lets talk like old times.’
I shake my head vigorously
‘What Michel, I don’t plan on hurting you.’
‘I am not about to walk down that road with you again, I am over this. I am over you.’
‘I am not going to sleep with you.’
‘I didn’t say you would, besides you never did.’
He looks away sadly
‘Michel I am still in love with you.’
I shake my head again
‘No Roy, we are not doing this.’
‘Please allow me to love you.’
‘Roy I can’t do this; I have kids who look up to me. Kids that expect me to be their role model, how can I be one when I will be giving myself to another’s husband? What am I teaching my son? That it is okay to leave behind a wife and go to another? To teach my girls that it is okay to leave a husband and go to another woman’s man?’
He eyes me
‘Are you even hearing yourself?’
‘What is it that your husband is teaching your kids? What are you teaching your girls when you allow him to walk in and out of your life like he owns you?’
I keep quiet
‘Michel kids watch, they are seeing everything you are doing and trust me someday they will come back and say it is okay because they saw you do it.’
‘You have no right telling me how I should be running my home.’ I say finally after much silence
‘I guess I have tried Michel, if you want that husband of yours to keep walking over you just because you are so big headed and stuck on the idea that he will change, be my guest. I just hope he won’t hurt you to the point of completely losing yourself.’
I look away, his words touching a muscle.
‘By the way, he has finally managed to buy the house in Cassie’s name. He has bought a plot too for his girlfriend, I am sure you know her.’
‘But I thought.’
I pause not saying another word feeling like a fool
‘I just thought you hear it from me before anyone else tells you and I will be leaving the country tomorrow, I wish you nothing but the best Michel and I pray you don’t lose yourself in the hope of trying to mend things with Vashawn – because it is easier to raise great boys than change broken men.’
He walks out, gently closing the door behind him.
I pick up my phone to call Vashawn but decide it is better I see him.
I get my keys and tell Bertha I won’t be coming back to the office; I drive straight to his office.
Once there, I don’t even bother talking to the secretary I just let myself in after one knock. He is with Cassie.
‘If it isn’t the ex-wife who is failing to let go.’ She teases touching her belly
Vashawn just looks at me emotionlessly
‘What do you want?’ he asks
‘Can I have a word with you in private?’
‘Whatever you have to say can be said in the presence of my wife.’ He responds
Cassie smiles
‘No baby, we need to go and rest. Plus, I trust that you won’t do anything to hurt me.’ She says
He helps her get up then hands her her handbag.
‘Thank you, I will see you at home.’ She says
He kisses her full on the lips
‘What do you want?’ he asks before he can even sit down
‘Vashawn where did I ever go wrong?’ I ask tears falling
‘If you are here for a pity party, I would suggest you leave.’ He says
I open my mouth to say something but don’t.
‘You know what Michel, maybe it is high time I give you some lessons that your mother didn’t give you.’
I look at him
‘When a man doesn’t want to be with you, nothing can hold him back. Not s£x, not children, not food. Nothing Michel. Do I regret ever hurting you? No, I don’t, because you brought this upon yourself. You trapped me with Marsha, don’t get me wrong. I love her, I really do but she wasn’t supposed to come at the point that she did. I had plans Michel, that didn’t involve kids. You had to get pregnant and lure me into marrying you.’
‘Vashawn both you and I know that I didn’t force you to marry me, God knows I just loved you. I love you.’ I cry more tears falling rapidly
He comes to where I am seated and starts massaging my shoulders
‘I was okay with dating you, but when I impregnated another girl that should have been your cue to leave. Those were red flags unless of course red is your favorite color which I highly doubt, you were desperate. Naïve. Foolish. Stupid. You should have left but you chose to stay in a loveless marriage, and what? you think just because we had s£x and you cooked a few meals then I will come back running into your arms? I love Cassie and she is going to be my wife.’
‘Vashawn.’ I say my insides breaking
‘Shiii.’ He says massaging me some more
‘Yes, you have been a fool you don’t have to say it. Now sign these papers and do us both a favor.’
I look at the divorce papers, I guess this is it.
‘Pass me a pen.’
He hands me one.
I sign then hand them to him.
‘I am sorry I couldn’t be everything you needed in a woman.’
‘You are forgiven, now go on and be a mother to the kids.’
I stand up and look at him intently, there is no pain or failure like going through a divorce. It teaches you that there is no schedule in life. Divorce blasts you wide open and it isn’t the pain itself that breaks you down but how you carry it.
..