EMILY. Episode 16
SETTING ( 9am Jane is at Tyson’s gate with baby Naomi tied to her back the African way. In her car is the withered flower Tyson sent Emily at the office, the recent flower and the huge teddy.
After banging on the gate a few times, the security opened the gate for her)
SECURITY: Good morning madam, how may I help?
JANE: good morning o! Your oga dey house?
SECURITY: do you have an appointment with him because he didn’t tell me he was expecting anyone..
JANE: I no need appointment with am. No be say him be one diplomat. I wan see am
SECURITY: I’m sorry but I cannot let you in without his permission.
JANE: oya! Call am tell am say Emily wan see am!
SECURITY: erm, I’ll do that but I’m gonna have to lock you out while I try to get in touch with him.
JANE: no keep me here for long o! You see say I carry small pikin for back!
SECURITY: I’ll be right back.
(After about 10 minutes, the security came back to Jane and let her in. When she drove in, Tyson was standing on the door in his robe and bedroom slippers)
JANE: Oga e be like say you just dey wake up now. You be big man o! Good morning!
TYSON: you were supposed to be Emily?
JANE: na her rep I be.
TYSON: could you please speak English cus I’m really struggling to make sense of what you are saying?
JANE: I go speak english when you send me school. For now, na wetin I sabi na him i go speak.
I no get time to waste. I beg follow me come for boot come take your delivery!
TYSON: delivery? I can’t remember ordering anything. Emily got me a present? Oh! she shouldn’t have bothered! If it was because of her childish behaviour the other day, I’ve already forgiven her!
Women can be stupid sometimes and I understand that!
JANE: including your mama o! Abeg come carry your things! (Opens and holds up the boot)
Come bring them down! I no be your maid!
TYSON: what is this mess you are bringing here? Dead flowers?
JANE: I hear say you come from America eh? You fit use America wonder bring them back to life!
TYSON: wait a minute! She sent these back to me??
JANE: (carelessly drops the items on the floor) oga gateman, abeg open gate make I go!
TYSON: Hunt, don’t let her out until I say so
SECURITY: yes sir.
TYSON: woman, do you mind explaining the meaning of this madness?
JANE: if you no open gate for me eh! I go drop this pikin here remove my clothe and swear for you and you go no say wahala get elder brother! As I dey here eh! I dey lose money o!
TYSON: I’ll give you one thousand dollard on your way back.
It’s obvious you are struggling but I want to know more about these items. Did she say anything to you?
JANE: oga, open gate make I go. I am a delivery person! Na my business I dey do so. Which kind enemy of progress be this eh!
TYSON: Hunt, go get me my wallet on top of the TV stand.
SECURITY: Right away, sir.
JANE: I never talk say I need your money o! Open gate make I go!
TYSON: I’ll let you go but I just wanna give you something to get some food for your beautiful baby okay?
And please tell Jane that I’ll be waiting for her at her parents’ house with my men.
She must not do anything stupid.
I will take anything from her but not embarrassing me in front of my guys. That’s the message for her.
Here is five hundred dollars for you.
JANE: I been think say na one thousand dollars you wan give us. Anyway thank you.
Hunter! Open the gate!
TYSON: the name is Hunt. Not hunter.
JANE: that one no concern me.
(The security opened the gate, Jane drove out but stopped after the gate and threw the money back into the compound over the fence before driving away)
SETTING ( Obed arrived his parents’ house and found them having breakfast and without being invited, he made himself a cup of cappuccino and joined them)
MR SAMPSON: your mother told me about a lady you intend to marry back home. Is that right?
OBED: that’s right dad
MR SAMPSON: she described her as a pig in a wig. Is that also correct?
OBED: dad, your wife is a joke and you know it
MR SAMPSON: oh! She is foul mouthed
MRS SAMPSON: wait until you see her. She looks terrible!
OBED: Mum you are being disrespectful!
MRS SAMPSON: I’m sorry son but I can’t help being honest
MR SAMPSON: Can I see a photo of her?
OBED: Sure dad. Here
MR SAMPSON ( ) hmmmm! Such a gorgeous African queen!
MRS SAMPSON: oh please! Stop patronising him! Would you place that girl anywhere near Camilla?
OBED: Mum, same s£x marriage is legal here. If you love Camilla that much, go ahead and marry her.
Stop sounding like a broken record. You are doing my head in!
By the way, in this envelope is some money, enough to bring you and dad down to Nigeria.
I’ll be on my way there tomorrow to get things started. Once we have a date, I’ll communicate so you both can start coming over.
MRS SAMPSON: is the money enough to bring us back too? Cus I ain’t spending a penny coming down there
OBED: you love money so much, mum. I’ll bring you back. Stop acting like you don’t know I’ve got money.
MRS SAMPSON: I’ve got money too!
OBED: mum, you are just a pensioner. Stop saying you have money.
MRS SAMPSON: you’d be surprised!
OBED: can I have your bank card then? I am your only son, remember? Your baby boy!
MRS SAMPSON: it will all be yours when I’m gone, my darling
MR SAMPSON: away from your drama with your mum, I think you’ve made the right decision to get married and we will support you all the way.
Keep the money, when you settle with your in laws and get a date for the traditional rights, we will be on our way to Nigeria. You have our blessings.
OBED: tongue out mum
Thanks so much mum and dad! This means everything to me!
MRS SAMPSON: we love you with our lives and we will support every decision of yours.
OBED: thanks, mummy Obed.
SETTING ( Tyson is with his friend Fred in a bar drinking. They both came to Nigeria on holiday from America and this is the first time they are meeting up since they arrived Nigeria)
FRED: so tell me about the babe your dad was going on and on about. Met her yet?
TYSON: oh yea! Well she’s pretty but definitely not as my dad made it all out. She got some good physical features. The right size of br**st and butt and a good pair of legs to go with it.
FRED: not bad hmmmm! So is she someone you would leave Jess for?
TYSON: still thinking it though. Jess is ten times prettier and smarter even though she gives me a hard time.
But I think marrying this Emily of a girl will make my family happy
FRED: but this isn’t about your family but you! Your happiness matters most here. What if you don’t find happiness in that marriage?
TYSON: I walk away or keep sleeping with my kinda girls outside. See, I don’t see marriage as anything more than a ceremony. I don’t believe that for better for worse shit.
But that said, we are blocking their end on sunday and you know how we turn up!
FRED: Are the boys aware?
TYSON: yea sure! And some of my Nigerian friends are coming as well.
FRED: oh good. I better give my car a clean wash. We blocking the entire street and this is only the introduction. Am I right?
TYSON: yes man! Men gat to represent.
FRED: who was that other girl you came to the club with?
TYSON: oh! I met her at the shopping mall and we got talking. Ended up going home with me and spent three days you know what I mean!
FRED: baaaad man!!! So you smashed?
TYSON: did you just ask that? Of course!
FRED: I hope you are using protection? Don’t trust these girls…
TYSON: honestly, first day I did, second day I just threw caution to the wind, man!
FRED: come on! Have some regards for your life. YOLO!
TYSON: if you live it well, you would have no need of a second But girl was good! Damn!!
FRED: so how good is the Emily under the sheet?
TYSON: she’s still playing hard to get. It nearly happened last time cus I planned to attack at night but she couldn’t stay over night because we had an argument. I walked in on her while she was on call with her so called man.
I did it intentionally to finally crash their silly relationship
FRED: you bad bro I swear! You baaaad!
TYSON:
To be continued