Tue. Jul 23rd, 2024







As I dropped my bag on my bed, I turned to the door to see it slightly open.


“Jason can you close the door!” I said


Neil closed the door but laughed.


“What?” I asked.


“You just called me Jason!.” Neil said walked over to me.


“No. I called you Neil.” I replied.


“No I heard you call me Jason, you might be calling me by name on the inside but you called


Jason!” Neil expound.


“Well” I laughed.


“That’s completely normal cause we can call someone another person’s name by mistake and that was a mistake. It’s just because I’m around him day by day and you know he’s pretty stubborn, so I call his name all the time and maybe that’s why, but if I did call you Jason I’m sorry!” I tried to smile.


“Well it’s okay, I knew it was a mistake.!” He beamed and I nodded.


I rolled my hair in a bun and turned to Neil.


“So now that we’re here. What do you suggest we do?” I asked.


What do people in relationships do?


I laughed at my question, when my subconscious replied them immediately. ‘They probably smooch and cuddle all they long!’


“Why are you laughing?” Neil asked.


“Uhm… Nothing, just recalling some old jokes!” I Lied. I can’t possibly tell him what I was thinking.


“Okay, so how about a movie, can we watch a movie.” Neil suggested.


“Of course! We will both watch it downstairs!” I said and Neil nodded.


“So I want to change my clothes can you wait for me downstairs?” I asked and he nodded with his normal friendly smile. “Of course!”.


Neil left my room and I quickly changed into my sweats, at least something more than comfortable. No work today, so let’s spend more time with my boyfriend shall we?.


I went downstairs to see Neil tapping his phone screen with both of his thumb and he immediately turned to me when he heard my footstep. I sat on the couch beside him and asked.


“So what are we watching!”


“I’ve connected my phone to the TV, so a little options from Netflix won’t hurt!” Neil smiled and I nodded.


We decided on a movie and started to watch it.


It was a romantic movie and it was pretty good honestly.


The movie went on for minutes going to one hour and it was getting pretty good as time went by.


“This is getting pretty good!” Neil chuckled.


“No getting, and cause you pause it, I think this might be a good time for chips, it’ll definitely go well with the next scenes!” I said standing up.


“And also orange or apple juice to go with” Neil added and I smiled.


“Perfect combo”.


I hurried to the kitchen and immediately rushed back to the living as my hands were filled with two bags of chips and a big sized cup of orange juice.


“You should called me to help, the chips looked pretty heavy on you!” Neil said as he took a bag of chip and a cup from me.


“Are you indirectly calling me lazy?” I narrowed my eyes at me.


“I don’t know are you lazy?” Neil teased with a smirk.


He just teased me. For the first time since I met him again.


I mean Neil doesn’t tease people much, back then in high school, but me he teases me all the time calling me all sort of names. But since then. And now that I’ve met him he has changed a lot, he is more than a gentleman now, very quiet and well composed. He mind his words and everything, and honestly it’s very nice.



But I don’t know i enjoyed his teasing just now, maybe sometimes being all composed is not alright, sometimes we need to joke, to lighten up the mood, perfection isn’t what everyone’s looking for.


“No I am not lazy!” I rolled my eyes with a smile and sat beside him again opening my bag of chips.


He played the movie and we both continued watching the movie.






“It was just a movie!” Neil tried to hold onto his laugh.


“I know but it… It’s just” I sniffed. Wiping the corners of my eyes


The movie ended so badly, the main character was diagnosed with cancer of the brain and then died during surgery, leaving her fiance to commit suicide.


“I understand that crying at the ending of a sad movie is a case of normalcy but I didn’t expect any of this from you Elsa!” Neil laughed.


“Well now you have so! Don’t you dare laugh about it!” I said still wiping my eyes.


I’m not very emotional but the soundtrack of the movie and with everything that happened rhymed and it was just so emotional.


“Okay, well it is okay!” Neil said circling his hand around my shoulder.


“I know it’s okay!” I sighed resting my head on his shoulder. “I was just putting on a show!” I Lied.


“Nope. You were crying for real!” He smiled.


“Oh okay fine I was, now can we drop it!” I rolled my eyes and he smiled.



Neil and I talked about a lot of things, well mostly back in high school and the silly things people of the student council did or say, it was just so fun recalling old days and all.


Neil called it a day and said it was time for him to leave and honestly it was fun being with him today.


I escorted Neil to the door and we both stood on the porch to bid our goodbyes.


“Okay then, till next time, I call you immediately I get home” Neil stated.


“Okay sure!” I smiled.


“It was really nice hanging out with you though!” He beamed.


“Same here, it really was!” I smiled.


“Okay then!” Neil just couldn’t stop smiling.


Neil looked back at his car, and then turned to me, he came a little closer to me and started to lean closer to me.


What is he doing?


‘What else, he’s trying to kiss you’ my sensitive subconscious replied my question and my breath hitched.


A kiss, I’ve not had a kiss before, and second of all, I don’t even want to kiss. I’m not ready for a kiss right now.


Of course he was going for a kiss but when he got close to me I turned my head away.


Neil paused and moved back.


“Sorry!” he lets out a little nervous laugh.


“It’s… Okay” I said and my voice was very low.


Neil suddenly looked sad and confused all of a sudden, and I suddenly start to feel guilty.


I mean we’re in a relationship right? A kiss is normal and why did I have to turn my face away. I shut my eyes and opened them back up immediately, I got closer to Neil and stood on my



It’s just a kiss, I tell myself as I leaned closer to him.


But he placed his hands on my shoulder and pushed me back gently letting me stand balanced.


“You don’t have to force yourself if you don’t want to. It’s okay!” Neil smiled.


I could tell he forced the smile.


“I… I’m.. Sorry!” I bent my head down.


“It’s okay now Elsa! So I better get going!” Neil still left his smile on his face as he tapped my shoulder and walked away from the porch and to his car. He said his goodbyes to me with a wave and finally a happy smile and entered the car. *


I closed the door behind me and walked up to the couch.


I hugged my knees and buried my face in between them. I am such an idiot.


And here I am thinking I’m all grown when I’m still a child.


I can’t even kiss my boyfriend. Then why did I even agree to date him.


Sometimes I just hate myself.


Later on I called my mom and we both talked for a long time, she also reminded me about her coming her tomorrow and all and then we hung up.


I went back to my room, seeing it was getting late, I decided to get an Early rest.






Since I slept so early surprisingly I woke up in the morning by 3am to see two voice mails on my phone.


I’ve never received voice mails before.


Cause I always pick my calls.


Surprisingly one was from Jason and the other one was from Neil.


Jason’s voice mail was sent at 8:15pm and Neil’s voice mail was sent at 10:05pm.


I decided to listen to Jason’s voice mail first and I tapped my phone screen and it start to play and I listened carefully.


“Uh… Hey Elsa, it’s me Jason, so I was calling and you weren’t picking and so I decided to drop this voice mail before tomorrow, so I Just wanted to let you know that, I’m actually kind of feeling better and it would be best if you can come tomorrow so we can get back on track with our lessons. Please do, I guess my fever brought out the childish side of me today, but well that’s passed and thanks to my pills I’m getting better, and all set for school tomorrow and our lesson tomorrow and we can also drop the stuff about me… having feelings for you” Jason said that part really low and I smiled.


“so that’s all I wanted to say“ was the last thing Jason’s voice mail said before it ended. And I was really glad he was growing up. That was pretty nice. I sighed and played Neil’s voice mail too.



“Elsa, Elsa you weren’t picking my calls and I don’t know what you’re up to but anyways I decided to drop this voice mail for you” Neil’s voice sounded hoarse and unstable like he was drunk, and the place he was carried so much noise.


“I love you so much Elsa, I really do. But I don’t think you love me or will ever will, if only you told me back then. I won’t be going through such pains like this. If only I have looked at you back then, things would have been different by now. It was just a kiss, a stupid kiss and you didn’t even let me, I mean what’s the point of dating if we can’t even kiss and then suddenly you call me Jason, I mean, not liking me is one thing but calling me another guy’s name is another and that really hurt Elsa. I always act like everything is fine but it’s not. I want you to look at me like I am yours but you just look at me like an older brother, I’m your boyfriend but I feel like a brother. Should we just break up? Should we! I came here to have a night and drink to the fullest cause I’m actually my real self when I’m drink and I like” Neil laughed and I bit my bottom Lip feeling so guilty.


“I love you Elsa. I really had fun today, I thought I was seeing a thing happening between us but you won’t even kiss me. You won’t even open up to me. I feel so ashamed, then why did you accept my feelings for you, if you know you were going to treat me like gabbage. I don’t think we can work out… You know, being together, I don’t know if it’s that stupid Jason or who. But whoever it is I don’t know… I want to kill him so badly, but I can’t, just know that I love you so much, Elsa,… Elsa… I don’t know but I love the way your name rhymes with my voice!” Neil said and the voice mail ended…


What have I done.












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