Sometimes In life, our wishes gets the best of us, challenges are what makes life
interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful, death is not the
most tragic loss in life, the most tragic loss is what dies inside while you’re still
alive, and lastly expectations are dangerous.. I know all this cause I actually feel
After that evening with Naomi, she left leaving me to feel bad for myself and I ended up falling asleep without eating Dinner. “Samantha!!” I heard my name.
“Sammie..” I heard it again and my eyes flutter open.
“mom!. What are you doing here?” I asked sitting on my bed.
“Beatrice told me you slept without eating dinner and I brought you some even though to late” my mom said quietly and I glance at my phone to check the time but it wasn’t on, so I forgot about it, my mom smiled gently as me and handed the tray on her hand over to me.
“C’mon eat, you’ve been getting really skinny” she said with a worried tone and I rolled my eyes. Since I didn’t want her to worry much, I started to eat, I didn’t have an appetite but I had to force myself. “Samantha, I’m sorry” my mom said.
“you should be” I muttered.
“I’m sorry, for pushing you and controlling you to be who you’re not supposed to be and I rea–
“mom..” I cut her off “it’s okay don’t remind me”
“if there’s one thing I know is this”.. “forgive others not because they deserve
forgiveness, but because you deserve peace, and I need peace.. forgiveness is not
something we do for other people, we do it for ourselves to get well and move on”
I tell my mom and she sniffed and pulled me in a warm hug, “oh honey, I’m so
sorry” she said.
“it’s okay” I said.
After eating my mom took back the tray and I laid on my bed again, I looked at the time and it was ten thirty (10:30pm) I sighed and before I knew it I fell asleep again.
The next morning I woke up feeling a little energetic unlike yesterday and after my morning run, I had a splendid shower, put on my uniform, ate breakfast before having Evans drive me to school.
I got to school and made my journey to class, I got to class and sat on my seat, everyone was busy talking to each other since there was no teacher In the class,
and I didn’t want to talk to anyone but I didn’t know when I got on my seat and walked up to Tracey who was talking to a girl beside her, seeing me she said something to the girl and she smiled and left.
“hey,” I smiled.. .”hi” she said in a whisper and looked away.
“I…i. I’m not here to say anything bad, I’m just here to apologize” I tell her. “apolo–
“before you say anything” I cut her off.. “I just want you to know that I am sorry for everything I’ve said or done to you and I really wish..we could talk again cause I really miss you” I rushed the last part and she giggled.
“ditto,..” she said and stood up “I really feel the same way, it’s not my intention to be this way to you but I kind of have to cau-
My sudden hug stopped her from talking and I could feel her smiles from my shoulder “it’s okay, as long as you added ditto, you don’t have to say anything else” I tell her and we both released from the hug … “I didn’t know you’re this nice” Tracey laughed.
“don’t joke with it, it only comes once in a blue moon” I laughed too. The English teacher walked in and everyone groaned while I walked back to my seat. After learning a lot that morning it was time for lunch break and honestly I wish I could keep learning cause this few days, I’ve been loosing my appetite. “hey” someone growled behind me making me flinch and turn immediately. “James!!” I yelled and held my chest. “you scared me!” I added.
“sorry” he laughed
“so…? You going out for lunch break?” he asked.
“why not, I mean aren’t we supposed to eat to live?” I said sarcastically and he laughed.
“well then let’s go eat and live together” he said and placed his hand in front of me and I gently placed mine on top of his with a smile and we both walked out.
We both ordered our food and went to a table at the center of the cafeteria, but I just couldn’t eat, it was so noisy that my head start to spin it was like the noise was about me, it was like everyone’s talking about me.
“are you okay?” James asked. But I shook my head negatively.
“I can’t seem to find myself hungry in here” .
“okay, well they’re other places you can quietly eat where no one will bother you”
“the classroom, the gym, the auditorium and the school garden” James replied .
“the school has a garden?” I asked.
“yeah at the back of the second building” he replied.
“no wonder I always see a wide empty area at the schools map not knowing what it was” .
“students aren’t there and Esther’s the watch lady, don’t worry if she finds us there I’ll threaten her with her big sleepover and she won’t report us” James said and I smiled and gave him a flirty eye roll.
We both left for the school garden and a small wow, escaped my lips and I smiled, it was magical, like that of fairytale stories, it was greenish, breezy and has this strong smell of dew and leaves and it made my non hungry mouth, hungry. There was a long bench at the middle of the low trimmed grasses and I walked up to it and sat down. James walked up to me and sat beside me and we both quietly start to eat, James finished his food in a jiffy and start to drink his box of milk, he bought like three boxes of milk.. “is it skimmed milk?” I asked.
“nope, the one that gives you a lot of fat” he said and I nod and chew hard on my burger.
“but you’ve been taking it and you’re not getting any fat, shouldn’t you visit the doctor” I said playfully and he playfully glared at me.
“that’s not something I should worry about, I’m not destined to get fat I just take them cause it helps me think, milks are like drugs to me, just as you are to me now” he said sulking a whole lot of milk in his mouth. and I almost cried at his romantic statement, I couldn’t help but get flushed at that so I pretended like I didn’t hear a thing.
“have you tried taking chocolate milk, cake or chocolate candy bars. I heard it’s good for adding to your–
“I’m not trying to get fat Sam, I love the way I am” James cut me off.
“I’m sorry have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?” I asked and rolled my eyes
“yep, I still look as charming as always” he beamed. But it’s true.
“show off to any other girl, for a boy, you’re too skinny I mean take a look at Kaden for example he’s not skinny like you he’s fleshy and full of boyish meat unlike you” I said and James scoffed, “if you want to date him just say it don’t use skinny as an excuse” .
I rolled my eyes at James for saying that and continued, “I mean under his shirt I’m sure they’re a lot of breathtaking packs that will make girls for to their knees” I said with seriousness to get James angry but he didn’t seem affected by it.
“I’ve got packs too six of them” he said boastfully opening his second box of milk.
“six packs??, are you sure they’re packs or your ribs?” I asked and he sighed, “gosh that hurts” I laughed.
We both remained quiet and with a small smile still on my lips and as I shoved my straw inside my juice box and start to sulk the pineapple juice inside it, James breathed out loudly before saying.
“you know I didn’t like you at first, cause you’re always pestering and disturbing that it made me disliked an you, and with all Kaden was saying about you, but then I suddenly saw through you and saw this sweet lovely Sam who just wants a life like everyone else but was very different from everyone else and the way you confessed your feelings was shocking to me at first but If I think about it sometimes I just laugh cause it wasn’t just funny it was sweet, I wasn’t supposed to like you Sam, but I did cause you’re a real charmer, you got me and I’ve never liked someone my whole life” James smile and I slowly turned to him. What does he mean by he wasn’t supposed to fall for me.
“James you really are f–
“Samantha..” he cut me off “I really…. really like you even though it’s bizarre but I
do, I like it that I do but I also hate it but I can’t help it, our deities once fell in love and it doesn’t matter who they fell in love with cause the feeling’s there but In this century it matters,” ..
I don’t know why James is saying all this and somehow it made me scared, when the person you’re dating start to say things like this, it only means one thing, they’re diagnosed with a horrible disease and they want to break up. So I asked. “James, are you alright?”
“what are you talking about I’m perfectly fine” he smiled, “really?” I said and my voice shook. He nods and I sighed,
“you saying all this is making me scared and it somehow felt like you’re about to break up with me” I said, but he just stared at the grasses not saying anything.. “James..” I called for his attention and he turned to me. “can we… Kiss?” he asked slowly as he turned to me.
“why are you suddenly acting this way?” I asked, normally if he wanted to kiss me he does it on his own free will but now he’s asking for my permission.
“because nothing lasts forever we better live in the moment” he added leaning close to me but I stood up.
“if you’re going to continue like this I’m leaving” and was about to go but he pulled me back.
“I’m sorry.” he said and stood up too.
“so you’re coming over to my house this Saturday right?” he asked with a smile.
“Yeah, wait why again?” I asked.
“for our project in history” he said and I nod, “yeah right” I nod and grabbed my tray.
“you’re done eating, I’m done too so let’s just go back to class” I said and he nods and we both walked back to class,
I didn’t really pay attention in class because of James words earlier, why was he saying all those things, he acted really weird and that was scary. .
** Fast forward **
School was over and we all went to drama class, everyone acted their scenes perfectly even Victoria and the drama teacher gave her a small nod when she was done acting.
When it was the time for James and I to do the kissing scene, I noticed James strange behaviour like when am a princess I promised to kiss him so he could be prince again and not a frog and when I kissed him lightly on his lips he wanted more.. But I withdrew quickly we earned a small applaud and the drama teacher told me the kissing didn’t have to be real but he didn’t mind it being real. I said goodbye to James before getting into my limo.
I got home and took a shower and I couldn’t just stop thinking about my James I was seriously worried that I didn’t pay attention during dinner and I received a few worried questions from my mom.
That night I decided to watch TV and turning it on it gave a great highlight to our living room cause I’ve never turned the TV on, it was my first time, I turned on my phone hot-spot and the TV’s Wi-Fi and streamed the internet for movies, I spotted like three interesting ones and clicked on the first one. and watching movie from TV is better than watching it from a laptop, my mom met me watching TV but she just passed me by and it helped me took my mind off James a little.
But the memory of James came back when I was about to sleep… But thankfully I
manged to fall asleep.
The next morning I was surprised I wasn’t woken up by my alarm but Beatrice told me it was Saturday and I insanely laughed at myself for not knowing that. I ate breakfast and told my parents I’m going over to a friend’s house for our history project.. “is it James?” my mom questioned when I told her “yes” I replied
“okay be home early” she said.
“I’m also going to a sleepover” I tell her
“what? You and Naomi can have one here” she suggested.
“mom please!” I said and she sighed and gave in, “make sure you invite Naomi too” she said and I rolled my eyes “sure” I said before walking away.
Evans drove me to Jame’s residence and seeing me he smiled and open the door wider for me to walk in, I met six guys in his living room and you’ll know they’re all related to James cause they have the same face features but James’s the prettiest. “hi” I wave at them.
“is this the Cinderella?” one of the guys asked and another one nod.
“nice to meet you Samantha” the guy who nodded winked at me and I smiled. “nice to meet you t–
“ignore them sam” James said as he dragged me upstairs.
James slammed the door to his room and I turned to him immediately. “they’re your–
“brothers.. Yeah” he interrupted me and I smiled.
“how do they know my name” I asked sitting on his bed.
“the last time you came here three of my brothers met you and they wondered who you were cause you suddenly walked passed them without saying hi and then they started to call you Cinderella”. James explained and I giggled.
“okay well I’ve gotten everything ready, we have to get somethings done and get ready for Esther’s sleepover” James said and I nod and took off my jacket.
We both got really busy with our project, I got to wear an apron and rubber gloves
cause I was dealing with paint and glue, James brother didn’t allow us to
concentrate cause they kept barging into his room and each of them either handing
me hot chocolate or orange juice and I couldn’t say no cause they held such
beautiful smile when giving it to me.. James wasn’t just handsome he was creative,
I sat on his bed and watch him paint Jupiter very carefully. He noticed me
watching him and he shyly smiled.
“don’t fall me too much” he said.
“why? Aren’t you worth falling for?” I asked and his smile faded.
“no” he muttered.
“what.. You silly boy, like you don’t know you’re the most handsome b– “can I tell you something?” he asked.
“sure go on” I gesture my head giving him a go.
“no not now, when I’m done painting” he said and I nod “I’ll be waiting”.
James was done painting and we both washed our hands and set the five planets we’ve created beside his window for the afternoon sun and breeze to dry them and we’ll do the other ones later.
James seemed to be enjoying the hot chocolate his brothers brought for me and I giggled.
“and I thought you only love milk, looks like I was wrong”.
“hot chocolate and hot afternoon go perfectly well you can feel your blood ignite” he said and I rolled my eyes.
“so.. About the ‘thing’ you said you were going to tell me” I reminded him and he sighed and dropped the mug of chocolate..
“gosh I’m nervous” he muttered and stood up. “Samantha keeping this from you is just going to make me commit suicide one day so you have to know” he sighed. “know what?” I asked.
“that.. That I’m not a guy,” James breathed out.
“Huh?” I moved my head forward.
“I’m a girl” he added.
“I’m sorry but can you speak actual words” I stated angrily.. “I’m not a guy Sam, I’m a girl, you’ve been dating a girl” he said and I laughed bitterly.
“if this is a new method of breaking up with girls then it sucks” I huffed.
“I’m not trying to break up with you, well I am but I don’t want you to get hurt but don’t you see it?” he asked and moved his hair back and I almost cried of how beautiful he looked. And for the first time I saw a girl in him.
“did Tracey poison your mind to break up with me did she give you this idea??!!!” I yelled and he groaned and walked to his door slammed it close and locked it. “fine, then I’ll prove it to you” he said and I looked at him from head to toe. Why??!!
“I’ve always been putting on chest binders.. He said as he unbutton his shirt and I just stood and watched him not wanting to believe my eyes and ears.. my body shook strangely, when my teary eyes laid on his.. Or her chest that was pressed with a grey colored chest binder.
“Ja… Ja.. Ja.. I couldn’t speak and I suddenly fell to the floor.. How could it be “I’m sorry Samantha” he said kneeling in front of me,.. “no.. No this is a dream right?” I cried as my eyes met his.. “I’m sorry” he gasp. “but why.. Why..” I cried.
Why did he have to pretend to be a boy and why did I fall for him and I’ve been dating girl, how could this be.. I cried even more when he hugged me but I pushed him away.
“you made a fool out of me!! Why didn’t tell me!” I yelled
“I’m sorry I wanted to but I started to like you” he said not looking at me.
“you started to like me? If you really liked me you would have told me sooner!” I sobbed and stood up, ..
“people like you should rot in hell” I said and walked passed him… “Samantha I..
“I wish I never spoke to you” I cut him off.
“and James.. James.. Is that even your real name?” I sob as I stare at the door. “it’s.. Janice” he muttered lowly and his or her.. I don’t even know what gender to feel in.. This is annoying, it’s killing me!!
“well Janice, I hope to never see you again” I said and walked out.