On Sunday evening after church, I logged on to whatsapp to chat with my friend.
ME: hi sege.
SEGE: hi onihaxy, how are you?
ME: I’m good and you?
SEGE: I’m fine. Congratulations on your confirmation at work. I told you the other day that all you did to funmi was purely future investment. Can you see now that you eventually benefited from it?.
ME: thank you jaree, you are the boss.
SEGE: don’t mention jaree, what are we partners in crime for?
ME: who be your partner in crime?, you no well.
SEGE: how about your girlfriend, was she given any appointment too?
SEGE: the one you are living with now.
ME: ok!!!, Benita. She wasn’t retained oooooo. Infact, it pained me alot.
SEGE: eeeeyah, accept my condolence.
ME: who died?. You no well segun. That reminds me, benita would be travelling next week.
SEGE: what for?, why?.
ME: she said she would be going to visit her fiancé and also hunt for job over there.
SEGE: good radiance to bad rubbish. Let her go now.
ME: why do you say so?
SEGE: what was her benefit and usefulness in the first place when she refused to date you and also be intimate with you?
ME: but I always enjoyed her company, she had been of great help in the aspect of cooking meals and taking care of the house.
SEGE: you mean a form of housemaid?
ME: you no well.
SEGE: that one aside onihaxy, you have to show some appreciation to funmilayo when you get back to work.
SEGE: maybe like a bottle of good wine alongside some other gifts, just to show her that you appreciated her efforts.
ME: but she didn’t tell me that she was the one who influenced my confirmation for the permanent position.
SEGE: funny you. So you actually expect her to call you and tell you that she was the one who influenced it?. From what you said, you told me that you were the least person among the people confirmed in terms of good performance at work, so who performed the miracle?.
ME: you are right sha.
SEGE: you don’t have to mention the job when you are giving her the gift, just tell her that you just brought something for her, then write a little note saying “thank you so much, I so much appreciate your gesture” and drop it inside the package.
ME: thank you jaree, I will do that next week when I resume work.
SEGE: next week?, what happened to tomorrow?, aren’t you going to work?
ME: sorry I didn’t tell you, I was given a week break before resuming work.
SEGE: ok, that is cool. Are you still going to be working from funmi’s office?
ME: it seems so. But I can’t really say for now. Maybe till I resume work sha.
SEGE: no wahala. Now that you have gotten the job, I think it’s high time for the next operations.
ME: which operations?.
SEGE: operation getting intimate with funmi and operation telling Betty about bimpe.
SEGE: but first, let’s carry out that of Betty. The other one can wait.
ME: segun. That mission is too difficult oooo. I don’t think I can do it.
SEGE: but I thought we have concluded on a game plan to frame me in.
ME: yes, I remember.
SEGE: but I don’t think I can be involved anymore, we have to change my own character.
ME: but why?
SEGE: you know that Betty had already introduced her friend to me, and we have been getting along. So, telling betty that I’m in a relationship might bounce back on me.
ME: that is true. So what do you suggest?
SEGE: tell her that your brother or cousin was the person involved. From her response, then you would know maybe you should either open up to her later or keep mute on it.
SEGE: yes. Even if she later find out in the future, you can always refer to the story that you were trying to tell her sometimes back but you were scared of putting it to her directly and that was why you painted a brother in the picture.
SEGE: yes. That one is better, compared to when she finds out on her own without any previous picture of it from you.
ME: you have a point. I will do that and let you know when it is done.
SEGE: no problem. But try to be more careful when relating the story to her. Remember that this girl is far smarter than you are.
ME: ok boss. So how is parole with Sandra?, hope you guys are now getting along.
SEGE: yes now. You ought to trust me when it comes to woman affairs. I no dey dull at all.
ME: bad boy.
SEGE: yes now. When I’m dull as you are.
ME: what do you mean?.
SEGE: you are the one dating a multi-millionaire daughter and you are still broke. You are the same one sleeping on the same bed with a woman for a whole month without touching her. You still mumu seriously.
ME: segun, you no well, I swear.