SEGE: you must be smart to play your game wella so
as not to miss the fuccking. Make sure that u post
all the spending till after s£x, and not before.
ME: I still don’t understand
SEGE: mr maga, listen. If you spend before planning
to have s£x, you might not get it, just keep making
mouth till you get what you want.
ME: I hear you ooooo.
SEGE: when she dey with you. Call me and we go act
drama for her.
ME: mr sege!!!!!, I dey fear you oooo
SEGE: you think say I be mumu like you?. Na me dey
scam girls, girls no dey dupe me. Loooool.
I returned home that night. Segun and I began our
rehearsals on whatsapp ahead of kemi’s arrival. Ever
since I was growing up, I had always have this
mentality that “the more you spend for her, the more
she loves you” but segun changed my orientation and
made me realize that most times, “the more you
spend blindly, the more you are a maga”.
Between monday and Wednesday of the following
week, kemi called me more than 5 times but I didn’t
pick up, I intentionally refused to pick up because I
knew she would always demand for airtime. On
thursday morning, I called her myself.
ME: hello kemi
KEMI: my love, how are you?, why did you refused
picking my calls for the past four days?
ME: I’m sorry, the phone was on silent since sunday
night and I misplaced it since then. I tried calling the
number from another phone to trace it but it wasn’t
ringing out, it was this morning that I found it inside
the kitchen cupboard.
KEMI: eeyah, sorry about that my love, I was thinking
you were with another girl, maybe that’s why you
refused to pick up.
ME: ****oloshi, this one wey you dey call me “my
love” I know say na “send me airtime” go end
am********, baby when are you coming?.
KEMI: I would arrive this evening, but the event is
tomorrow and saturday.
ME: are you staying over at my place?
KEMI: ***laughs****
ME: why laughing?
KEMI: you are funny ni, I’m coming with my family,
we would be staying over at the place provided for
us. since I’m not alone, I won’t be able to stay over
at your place.
ME: huuuuuh, how do I take you out for shopping
then?
KEMI: eeeeeeehhh!!! You mean you want to shop for
me?
ME: yes, I am even buying a phone for you since you
said your phone is giving you issues.
KEMI: huuuuh. That’s why I love you honey. But why
don’t we do it like this?
ME: how?
KEMI: please do all the shopping and bring it to me
where I would be staying, I might not be chanced to
spend time outside, sebi I told you I would be with
my family?
ME: ****heartbroken “oloshi”******* no problem dear,
let’s postpone all the shopping and gifts to another
day that you would have time. I can’t just be roaming
about supermarkets alone on my own without you by
my side, I would only come and say Hi to you
wherever you are. That’s all
KEMI: common dear, so you won’t bring anything for
me?
ME: not sure, maybe apples only sha.
KEMI: haba!!!, ok you know what!
ME: what?
KEMI: let me get to akure first, then I would know
how to squeeze out time to go out with you.
ME: that’s my baby
KEMI: are you happy now?
ME: off course. So what time will u get to akure?
KEMI: can’t say yet, but we would leave home by
10am sha.
ME: ok dear, can’t wait to see you
KEMI: same here dear
ME: pls let me know when you are around
KEMI: ok my love, eeeerhm my love, please can you
do me a favour please!!
ME: ***hanged up*****, oloshi, the only favour I have
been doing you is Airtime, “omo-ale”
………………. After the call
I went to work and chat with my friend segun along
side. I narrated my recent action to him and he told
me I was getting smarter. We discussed how kemi’s
package will look like, and trust my guy, he came
with a very brilliant plan. He said we would act like
brothers, I would be the elder brother while he would
be the younger brother.
I smiled and said to myself, “hope say sege no go
push me to jail some day sha”, but on a serious note,
its good to have the good, the bad, and the ugly
friends and I don’t even know the category that
segun belongs to.
After closing for the day’s job at 5pm, I was so tired
and I couldn’t stop over at segun’s house, I went
home straight and fell over the bed to relax. At 7pm,
my phone was ringing and I looked at the screen, it
was my beloved kemi calling.
ME: hello love
KEMI: call me back please ***hanged up****
What is this girl up to?, haba!!!, she had never call for
3 minutes before, always saying “call me back”. I
wait for like 10minutes before returning the call
ME: hello love
KEMI: hi. How are you?
ME: I’m fine, and you?
KEMI: I’m fine too. What happened to your phone the
other time in the morning?
ME: sorry about that jaree, the credit was exhausted
and the call terminated.
KEMI: hmmmmmmmm. I thought you don’t want to
talk to me ni.
ME: haba!!, no naw. So where are you
KEMI: I’m now in akure
ME: really?, where in akure?
KEMI: I don’t know dear, ok hold on let me ask
someone ******background:kemi: pls what is the
name of this place?. Response: oda road***********
ok onihaxy, they said its oda road.
ME: eeeyah, not to far from my area sha. About 30
to 40minute taxi drive.
KEMI: really?
ME: yes. So how do we see?
KEMI: I don’t know yet ooooo, and I would be so
busy tomorrow in cooking assistance.
ME: so what about saturday?
KEMI: I will be busy too
ME: so what do we do now? I can’t wait to see you
dear.
KEMI: same here. Ok let’s do it this way
ME: how?
KEMI: to save time, let’s meet at the shopping plaza,
text the location to me, you will get there before me
and I will meet you there.
ME: *****oloshi, you dey prove smart abi?, na me you
wan use brain for?. Thanks to sege’s tutorials*******
that will be bit difficult dear
KEMI: why?
ME: my younger brother is around and wanted to see
you, infact, he should have travelled yesterday but he
said he would wait till your arrival.
KEMI: who is that? And did you tell him anything
about me?
ME: my cousin .yes I told him lots about you
KEMI: and what was that?
ME: that you are my love, the girl I wanted to marry.
And he said he wanted to see his brother’s wife.
Infact, he has a gift to give you.
KEMI: really?. What is the gift?
ME: he didn’t show me, neither did he tell me. He
said its for you alone and its a surprise. He would
travel immediately after seeing you.
KEMI: oooooo God, and I would be busy oooooo, ok,
let’s see what would happen tomorrow sha.
ME: that’s my love.
KEMI: onihaxy please….
ME: **** interrupted**** heeeeee, honey please I will
call you back, my food is burning seriously.
****hanged up*****
*****Oloshi, I knew that it is “baby send me airtime”
that would follow the “onihaxy please”
At 9pm, I called kemi again to discuss on how we
would meet.
ME: hi love
KEMI: how are you dear?
ME: I’m fine, and you?
KEMI: I’m doing great.
ME: so how do we see and when?,
KEMI: let’s see if I could sneak out tomorrow to see
you. Hope your place isn’t far from here?
ME: no dear, its along the main road. If you take a
bike, the bike man will drop you exactly infront of my
house.
KEMI: please I won’t stay long outside because of my
family, I don’t want them to suspect that I’m missing.
So you would stay infront of your house and the
same bike that brought me would takes us both to
the outing.
ME: ***oloshi, na me you dey prove smart for abi?
*******, no problem dear
KEMI: alright dear, what are the things you are
buying for me?
ME: just wait till tomorrow and see the surprises that
awaits you.
KEMI: that’s why I love you. Baby please transfer
little airtime to me please
ME: it late, and I don’t have sufficient airtime on my
phone. Let’s make it tomorrow.
KEMI: ok dear, take care
ME: bye ***hanged up********