Sun. Feb 11th, 2024

-Episode Thirty Two-

 

 

 

A heavy silence settles over us, the tension in the air is maddening and it nags me. His eyes bore into mine and I am sure he can see into the center of my soul if he wants to.

 

I clear my throat he grabs my hand and tightens his grip.

 

‘What are you doing here?’ I ask

 

‘What’s going on in that head of yours?’ he asks, his voice is cold.

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

‘This is not the Zaria that I know, how could you stoop so low? Changing men as often as you change your panties?’ he asks

 

‘What?’ I raise my eyebrow

 

‘Today you are with this man, tomorrow you are with someone else. What are you trying to prove?’

 

‘It’s my f**king life Zach you are not the boss of me I can do what I want with my life.

 

‘I have no right to question you?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

 

‘I care about you Zaria, I cannot watch you destroy your life like this, you need to stop.’

 

I laugh, ‘You care about me?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Hypocrite, that’s what you are? One minute you are here caring about me the next you are with Wes and his baby mama making wedding plans.’

 

He sighs, ‘Not everything is as it seems.’

 

‘Humor me.’

 

‘Let’s just forget about Wesley for a minute, that’s not why I am here.’

 

‘Why are you here?’

 

‘I can’t deal with this anymore Zaria it breaks my heart to see you smooching with other men. I love you,’ the words rush out of his mouth before he can stop them.

 

My lips open in shock, well I knew Zach kinda liked me but I didn’t know it was this deep. What does he mean he loves me? He is friends with Wesley and that’s a deal breaker.

 

‘Say something,’ he shakes me startling me from my thoughts.

 

‘What am I expected to say?’

 

‘I don’t know. Anything.’

 

‘I seriously have nothing to say.’

 

‘I fell for you the first time I saw you, I would always watch you from a distance back in college but I didn’t have the guts to approach you. Well Wesley beat me to it and for the past few years I have loved you in silence. Wesley is out of the picture give me a chance.’

 

I shake my head.

 

‘That’s impossible.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘It just can’t be, just leave me alone,’ My voice has a hint of annoyance in it.

 

‘I can’t.’

 

‘Zach!’

 

‘Let me show you I care.’

 

‘No.’

 

He pushes me up against the wall, pinning my body down with his then he brings his lips close to mine, my breath hitches in the back of my throat.

 

Finally he kisses me, a long kiss, tender at first then he slowly begins to search for my mouth with his tongue while his hands roam everywhere.

 

My mind tells me to push him off first but I do the opposite, I kiss him back in a more passionate way that I had ever kissed anyone in my life.

 

Suddenly he pulls back.

 

‘When I am next to you my body aches for you and when I am far from you, it begs for you. Please give us a chance I swear I won’t hurt you like Wes did.’

 

I look up to him in confusion, wondering what just happened.

 

‘I can’t do this,’ I say

 

‘Zaria.’

 

‘Just leave.’

 

‘Are you sure this is what you want?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘When I walk out of this place, I am not gonna look back. I love you but I won’t force you to be with me against your will.’

 

I am about to respond when the gate is pushed open and Brad walks in. He is carrying some roses in one hand and a plastic in another.

 

He walks up to us, ‘Hey babe!’ he says

 

‘Hey,’ I smile

 

He leans in and kisses my lips lightly, ‘How are you?’ he asks completely ignoring Zach.

 

‘I am fine now that you are here.’

 

He smiles.

 

 

Then he hands me the flowers and plastic, ‘I got this for you.’ ‘Thank you.’

 

Zach clears his throat, ‘I have to go now,’ he says ‘Okay,’ I respond.

 

He clicks his tongue and turns to leave. Brad holds my hands and we walk into the house.

 

****

 

‘Are you okay?’ Brad asks once we get into the house.

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘You are distant you don’t like what I got you?’

 

I manage a weak smile, ‘I love the dress, it’s perfect,’ I say ‘Then?’

 

‘I am fine.’

 

‘You don’t look fine,’ he insists

 

‘I said I am fine,’ I snap at him

 

He looks at me briefly and shakes his head, ‘It’s about that guy right?’ ‘What guy?’ I ask irritated

 

I am seriously not in the mood for his tantrums, Brad is the jealousy type and I think he is a bit controlling. Right now I just want to be alone, I need to think.

 

Zach kissed me, I still can’t believe it. I am trying so hard to get over that kiss but I just can’t.

 

‘The guy I just found you with,’ he says

 

‘Oh, that’s Zach he is an old friend.’

 

‘And old friend?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘I don’t believe you.’

 

‘Your loss.’

 

‘You irritate me sometimes Zaria,’ he says

 

I laugh, ‘Okay.’

 

‘It’s funny?’ he shouts at me.

 

‘I seriously don’t wanna fight with you so if you came here to start a fight then leave.’

 

‘You are kicking me out?’ he asks with a shocked expression

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Fine.’

 

***

 

I am walking back and forth in my living room, I just got home and I am so angry at the moment. Zaria humiliated me in front of her boyfriends.

 

What did I expect? Did I honestly think she would run into my arms after telling her how I feel? I feel so stupid right now, I swallowed my pride and opened up to her and all she could say was ‘leave, I can’t do this.’

 

Let’s forget the fact that I am a man, this f**king hurts. I want to scream and cry at the same time.

 

‘Lord!’ I slam my fist down on the coffee table hoping to feel better but I don’t. My phone suddenly rings, I stare at it- its Sabrina calling can my day get any worse. I switch it off and throw it on the floor it slides across the rug onto the floor in front of the cabinet.

 

Frustrated, I grab a bottle of whiskey and start taking large gulps, I want to be drunk so I can forget.

 

****

 

‘I think he just hung up on me,’ I tell Lulu.

 

I like Zach a lot and I wouldn’t mind being his girlfriend but he seems so distant and low-key. He has never called me nor texted ever since I gave him my line and I am tired of waiting.

 

‘He hung up on you?’ She asks

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Try again.’

 

I dial his line again, ‘The mobile subscriber you have dialed has their phone switched off, please leave a message or try again later.’

 

‘This man can be stubborn but don’t give up. If you truly like him then go after him with everything you’ve gut. Learn from me,’ she smiles

 

‘What should I do next?’

 

‘Go to his house seduce him if you have to. Use what you have to get what you want.’

 

‘I will.’

 

‘That’s my girl.’

 

‘So how are things with Wes?’

 

She clicks her tongue, ‘We had an argument because of Zaria but I have him under control. I will not allow him to walk out of this relationship, we are getting married weather he likes it or not.’

 

‘That’s the spirit mwana, you don’t let go of men like Wes.’

 

‘I know right.’

 

‘Let me go and change so we can go to the mall. I need a few baby stuff.’

 

‘Sure.’

 

***

 

A gambling Heart

-Episode Thirty Two-

 

 

 

A heavy silence settles over us, the tension in the air is maddening and it nags me. His eyes bore into mine and I am sure he can see into the center of my soul if he wants to.

 

I clear my throat he grabs my hand and tightens his grip.

 

‘What are you doing here?’ I ask

 

‘What’s going on in that head of yours?’ he asks, his voice is cold.

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

‘This is not the Zaria that I know, how could you stoop so low? Changing men as often as you change your panties?’ he asks

 

‘What?’ I raise my eyebrow

 

‘Today you are with this man, tomorrow you are with someone else. What are you trying to prove?’

 

‘It’s my f**king life Zach you are not the boss of me I can do what I want with my life.

 

‘I have no right to question you?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘I care about you Zaria, I cannot watch you destroy your life like this, you need to stop.’

 

I laugh, ‘You care about me?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Hypocrite, that’s what you are? One minute you are here caring about me the next you are with Wes and his baby mama making wedding plans.’

 

He sighs, ‘Not everything is as it seems.’

 

‘Humor me.’

 

‘Let’s just forget about Wesley for a minute, that’s not why I am here.’

 

‘Why are you here?’

 

‘I can’t deal with this anymore Zaria it breaks my heart to see you smooching with other men. I love you,’ the words rush out of his mouth before he can stop them.

 

My lips open in shock, well I knew Zach kinda liked me but I didn’t know it was this deep. What does he mean he loves me? He is friends with Wesley and that’s a deal breaker.

 

‘Say something,’ he shakes me startling me from my thoughts.

 

‘What am I expected to say?’

 

‘I don’t know. Anything.’

 

‘I seriously have nothing to say.’

 

‘I fell for you the first time I saw you, I would always watch you from a distance back in college but I didn’t have the guts to approach you. Well Wesley beat me to it and for the past few years I have loved you in silence. Wesley is out of the picture give me a chance.’

 

I shake my head.

 

‘That’s impossible.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘It just can’t be, just leave me alone,’ My voice has a hint of annoyance in it.

 

‘I can’t.’

 

‘Zach!’

 

‘Let me show you I care.’

 

‘No.’

 

He pushes me up against the wall, pinning my body down with his then he brings his lips close to mine, my breath hitches in the back of my throat.

 

Finally he kisses me, a long kiss, tender at first then he slowly begins to search for my mouth with his tongue while his hands roam everywhere.

 

My mind tells me to push him off first but I do the opposite, I kiss him back in a more passionate way that I had ever kissed anyone in my life.

 

Suddenly he pulls back.

 

‘When I am next to you my body aches for you and when I am far from you, it begs for you. Please give us a chance I swear I won’t hurt you like Wes did.’

 

I look up to him in confusion, wondering what just happened.

 

‘I can’t do this,’ I say

 

‘Zaria.’

 

‘Just leave.’

 

‘Are you sure this is what you want?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘When I walk out of this place, I am not gonna look back. I love you but I won’t force you to be with me against your will.’

 

I am about to respond when the gate is pushed open and Brad walks in. He is carrying some roses in one hand and a plastic in another.

 

He walks up to us, ‘Hey babe!’ he says

 

‘Hey,’ I smile

 

He leans in and kisses my lips lightly, ‘How are you?’ he asks completely ignoring Zach.

 

‘I am fine now that you are here.’

 

He smiles.

 

Then he hands me the flowers and plastic, ‘I got this for you.’

 

‘Thank you.’

 

Zach clears his throat, ‘I have to go now,’ he says

 

‘Okay,’ I respond.

 

He clicks his tongue and turns to leave. Brad holds my hands and we walk into the house.

 

****

 

‘Are you okay?’ Brad asks once we get into the house.

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘You are distant you don’t like what I got you?’

 

I manage a weak smile, ‘I love the dress, it’s perfect,’ I say

 

‘Then?’

 

‘I am fine.’

 

‘You don’t look fine,’ he insists

 

‘I said I am fine,’ I snap at him

 

 

He looks at me briefly and shakes his head, ‘It’s about that guy right?’ ‘What guy?’ I ask irritated

 

I am seriously not in the mood for his tantrums, Brad is the jealousy type and I think he is a bit controlling. Right now I just want to be alone, I need to think.

 

Zach kissed me, I still can’t believe it. I am trying so hard to get over that kiss but I just can’t.

 

‘The guy I just found you with,’ he says

 

‘Oh, that’s Zach he is an old friend.’

 

‘And old friend?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘I don’t believe you.’

 

‘Your loss.’

 

‘You irritate me sometimes Zaria,’ he says

 

I laugh, ‘Okay.’

 

‘It’s funny?’ he shouts at me.

 

‘I seriously don’t wanna fight with you so if you came here to start a fight then leave.’

 

‘You are kicking me out?’ he asks with a shocked expression

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Fine.’

 

***

 

I am walking back and forth in my living room, I just got home and I am so angry at the moment. Zaria humiliated me in front of her boyfriends.

 

What did I expect? Did I honestly think she would run into my arms after telling her how I feel? I feel so stupid right now, I swallowed my pride and opened up to her and all she could say was ‘leave, I can’t do this.’

 

Let’s forget the fact that I am a man, this f**king hurts. I want to scream and cry at the same time.

 

 

‘Lord!’ I slam my fist down on the coffee table hoping to feel better but I don’t. My phone suddenly rings, I stare at it- its Sabrina calling can my day get any worse. I switch it off and throw it on the floor it slides across the rug onto the floor in front of the cabinet.

 

Frustrated, I grab a bottle of whiskey and start taking large gulps, I want to be drunk so I can forget.

 

****

 

‘I think he just hung up on me,’ I tell Lulu.

 

I like Zach a lot and I wouldn’t mind being his girlfriend but he seems so distant and low-key. He has never called me nor texted ever since I gave him my line and I am tired of waiting.

 

‘He hung up on you?’ She asks

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Try again.’

 

I dial his line again, ‘The mobile subscriber you have dialed has their phone switched off, please leave a message or try again later.’

 

‘This man can be stubborn but don’t give up. If you truly like him then go after him with everything you’ve gut. Learn from me,’ she smiles

 

‘What should I do next?’

 

‘Go to his house seduce him if you have to. Use what you have to get what you want.’

 

‘I will.’

 

‘That’s my girl.’

 

‘So how are things with Wes?’

 

She clicks her tongue, ‘We had an argument because of Zaria but I have him under control. I will not allow him to walk out of this relationship, we are getting married weather he likes it or not.’

 

‘That’s the spirit mwana, you don’t let go of men like Wes.’ ‘I know right.’

 

‘Let me go and change so we can go to the mall. I need a few baby stuff.’

 

‘Sure.’

 

***

 

A gambling Heart

 

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