I chat with segun after to call to gist him about
kemi’s outdoor plans. I was so confused on how to
convince her to bed. Segun assured me that I
shouldn’t worry as he would take charge of
everything. We had our last rehearsals that night on
his plans of how to execute kemi’s parole.
8am the second day which was friday, I woke up very
early. I had took a time off from work earlier on
thursday on the pretence that I was sick and needed
to go to the hospital for treatment. I changed my
bedsheets, stocked my portable fridge with 3 can
malts and fruits, I went to the nearby chemist to
purchase a pack of condom and I sprayed the whole
room with air refresher. Indeed, nobody cleans a
house faster than a guy expecting a new girl.
9:25am, kemi flashed me and I called back,
ME: hello love
KEMI : hi dear.
ME: how was your night?
KEMI: it was fine. Where is my airtime?
ME: I’m sorry dear, I’m still on bed, I haven’t gone
out yet
KEMI: why can’t you send your brother to buy it?
ME: he went out very early this morning and he
hasn’t returned yet.
KEMI: send your address, I should be on my way any
moment from now. And first thing, I will collect my
airtime when I arrive.
ME: ok love, no problem.
KEMI: bye
ME: bye.
I sent the detailed address to kemi and I also inform
my goon (segun) about kemi’s coming. 35minutes
later, segun arrived fully dressed and pulling a leather
box. We hugged and gist about how we would
execute our plans neatly. While we were having gists
and fun. My phone rang and it was kemi calling.
ME: hi love, where are you?
KEMI: I just dropped from a bike at the front of your
house, Please come outside and let’s hurry up, the
bike-man is waiting.
ME: ok *****hanged up*******.
I turned to segun with a sad face full of
disappointment. Segun saw the look on my face.
ME: segun, I’m not sure this plan will work out?
SEGE: why not leave all the plans to the event
planner?.
ME: but she still insisted on waiting outside?
SEGE: mr maga, just calm down. Let’s go outside
and welcome her, I will take charge of the situation.
Trust me my guy.
ME: yes boss
************************************
We went outside together to meet kemi. As we
stepped out of the door, I saw a young lady standing
by a bike-man at the other side of the road. I was so
disappointed in what I saw, kemi wasn’t as pretty and
adoring as the lady I have been seeing on facebook.
Her face looked so rough and full of spots compared
to the clean and radiating face I have been seeing on
facebook. Is that the babe? “Segun asked me”. I
guess so “I replied”.
I picked my phone to call her she picked. She saw
me at the other side of the road but she refused to
cross, she was waving her hand to me that I should
cross over and she was pointing at the bikeman at
the same time.
ME: ****whispers**** segun, you sure say this babe
go sure?
SEGE: just calm down and leave everything to me.
Segun and I crossed to the other side of the road
and we walked closer to kemi.
ME: ***hugs****hi love
KEMI: hi dear.
ME: meet my brother segun I was telling you about,
******introduced her to segun*****
SEGE: ***hands shake**** its nice meeting you our
wife.
KEMI: ****smiled*****. Onihaxy, Please I don’t want
to stay long outdoor, I sneaked out of the house and
I must return before they find out that I’m missing.
SEGE: lailai, that cannot be possible. Don’t you know
I have been waiting here for the past 3 days just to
meet you?, I should have travelled 2 days ago but I
decided to wait and see our wife so as to give our
parents feedback when I reached home.
ME: yeah, he is right
KEMI: ***smiled**** but you have seen me now. I
don’t want to stay outdoor for long please
SEGE: ****moved closer to kemi****so you mean
main road reception is the best you can give to your
father in-law. Common baby, don’t abuse tradition,
come in and let’s know each other formally.
******held kemi’s hand****
KEMI: oooooooooh God.
ME: ****silent and watching******
KEMI: but the bikeman is here waiting.
SEGUN: ***moved closer to the bike while kemi and I
were walking away slowly****** how much is your
money?
BIKEMAN: 200naira
Segun paid the bikeman and the bikeman drove
away. I was amazed how segun got to know that
kemi hasn’t paid her bike fare. I guess he observed
the situation. Segun catch up with us and we crossed
together. Segun began to chat with kemi and they
were flowing nicely. He took charge of the whole
situation as we entered the room. He entertained
kemi, asked her about her work, school, life generally
and kemi was flowing well. I was only letting out
smiles and interrupting because segun really
surprised me. After about 8 minutes of having fun
chat with kemi, segun stood up and pulled his leather
box.
SEGE: bros, I’m travelling. Let me give you and your
wife some privacy
ME: ****laughs*** ok bro. My regards to mummy
KEMI: I will soon be going too.
SEGUN: so soon?. That reminds me. I promised you a
gift. I will tell bro onihaxy to give you.
KEMI: *****smiled and appreciate*** thanks my
inlaw.
SEGUN: ehn ehn bros, what about the money you
want to give me now?,
ME: I thought you have forgotten
SEGE: forget ke?, lailai.
ME: that’s even good. To make things easier. Take
this ATM. *****bring out atm card from my wallet
and hand it over to segun. Withdraw 50k from the
account.
SEGE: eeeeeeh bros, everything for me?.
ME: no, my wife and I are going out for shopping. I
will. Only give you the amount you request for, I want
to use the rest for shopping.
KEMI: *****smiled and feeling relaxed and
comfortable.
SEGE: ****winked at me*****. Bros, that money
won’t be enough to shop for our wife after deducting
mine. Please go with enough cash.
ME: hmmmmmmmmm. So you and your wife want to
drain my account abi?
SEGE: no bros. Just do the needful, first impression
last longer.
KEMI: ****felling more relaxed**** bro segun. Don’t
mind your elder brother jaree. He is too stingy.
ME: hmmmmmm, ok, withdraw 60k then. You should
take 10k while my wife and I will use the remaining
50k.
SEGE: that’s my lovely brother, let me rush down to
the nearest ATM.
KEMI: ******feeling totally relaxed****. Thanks jaree
uncle segun. Please be fast, I won’t be staying long.
SEGE: **pats kemi on the shoulder*** I will be right
back dear. Even me, I need to travel earlier.
ME: ok ooooooooo. Husband and wife
KEMI: onihaxy, na jealousy go kill you
SEGE: ***laughs*****. Erhmmm, bros, I dey come.
Segun walked out of the room. On closing the door,
he yelled from outside. “Bro onihaxy, come and see
something”. I excused myself from kemi and went
outside to meet segun.
ME: guy u try ooooo. This your small head, na so so
bad thing full am.
SEGE: sebi I told you to leave every plans to the
event planner na.
ME: that’s my guy.
SEGE: you no well ni. I don buy time for you. Use it
well and fucck the girl wella. I no wan hear story
ooooo.
ME: so what will happen to the atm card issue na?. I
have only 2,500naira in the account.
SEGE: ******laughs*****, Mr maga, who told you I
want to withdraw money from the account in the first
place?. Abeg go fucck wetin you want to Bleep
jareeee.
I went back inside the room and met my kemisola
fully relaxed and balanced.