HURDLES
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(The story is based on real life events with a bit of fiction, to the anonymous beautiful lady that shared her story… thank you for being strong enough to share it and I am honored to be the one to write it.)
It’s finally time to go home and even though my heart is in many places, I decide it’s better to just go. I mean that’s my home and besides if I am not strong for my kids, who will be?
I make sure to switch off everything before getting my car keys and handbag. My secretary has already left and I notice Mr. Musondah’s light in the office is still on, he is so much like his father work wise but their attitudes are totally different.
After getting into the car, I look at the message that I received earlier. A stray tear rolls down my cheek and the lump on my throat is too huge to swallow, I am tired of pretending that all is well when I just want to break down and cry. But for how long? How long will I cry and mop over someone who doesn’t give a rats eye about my well being, I can’t even talk to my relatives or his because the way he loves his children they might think I am the problem.
I join great East road, our office is at Mandahill and considering traffic which is already building up I might get home in an hour or later. Just as I thought; I am stuck in congestion, I take a deep breath remembering when I was once happy – genuinely happy.
I met Vashawn; my husband now whilst we were at School, it was love at first sight for me and I honestly saw a man I would settle with. He was handsome, funny and intelligent all together. Unfortunately a year before we completed UNI I got pregnant for him, my mother was disappointed but I made sure to complete. I always thought he was the one till he impregnated another lady when our daughter was barely a year old. That was my cue to leave, but I stayed. Funny and stupid enough he made me believe that it was a mistake. A year after their child was born we decided to settle and for a while I was happy, but ‘wakake sakaleka’.
I have loved Vashawn like my life depends on it but with each ounce of love I give him, he throws it twice back in my face. There is nothing in the world that I haven’t tried yet he still looks at me with disgust.
Tears are pouring out again, crying is the only thing that I do when I am alone away from the kids.
Home is in Chelstone and I must say we are doing pretty well for ourselves, I am a realtor by profession whilst he runs his family business as a stone collector. Coming from white blood and filthy money has been his greatest advantage, his worst curse being that he is good looking and he knows it.
The house is awfully quiet when I get home, I was expecting the kids to run for me and ask the numerous questions about how my day was but it is quiet.
‘Good evening ma’am.’ Nancy my house help greets
‘Good evening.’ I respond my eyes wondering around
‘The boss told the driver to drive them to their grand parents place.’ She says as if reading my mind
‘Why would he do that? Today is Thursday and they have school tomorrow.’ I say trying so hard not to lose my temper
I hear footsteps and I know it is him, I turn around – his shirt is off and even though I hate it he is still the most handsome man I have ever met and he does well by keeping his body in check.
‘You are staring at me because?’ He asks walking past me to pour himself a glass of water, he doesn’t even mind that our house help is there. He has stopped giving me respect and am surprised the house helps haven’t lost it too.
I don’t respond but instead walk to the bedroom, I can feel him walking behind me and I don’t like it.
‘You keep getting fat every day, your friends are busy trying out diets and going to the gym aren’t you embarrassed being my wife?’ He asks as I take off my clothes
I take a deep breath, a really deep breath because even though this is not the first time; it still stings.
‘My body is like this because I let your seeds grow.’ I respond with the only strength left in me
He looks at me as if I have grown an extra pair and right now in this moment, I dare him to say another word because God knows I won’t even be sorry about my next move.
‘You are not the woman I married.’ He says with disgust
I laugh, so much my insides hurt but that’s not even because I am amused. Far from it.
‘I want a divorce.’ He says handing me divorce papers
I look at them, I don’t even read them because I have seen them laying around in his closet for weeks now. I see he finally gathered the courage to give them to me. And yet I had thought I would be prepared but am not.
‘Vashawn who told you, you can hurt people and still get to be the one to walk out? What makes you think it is right to throw me under the bus and still be the one
to toss it over a million times over so that it hurts me even more? I mean who raised you?’ I ask angry tears falling
He shakes his head as if I am crazy.
‘Make sure you sign these divorce papers, I want out and you can’t hold me back any longer.’ He says and walks away.
There is no pain or failure like going through a divorce, nobody ever told me it would take more than just the black and white steps of divorce, or even finding a lawyer. It would take not just facing my fears. It would take walking into my fears
— with each step making me timid, feel less of a woman and making me question everything I have ever believed in. No body told me that before I can be bolder and less ashamed, that I would have to walk through the pits of hell.
I get the pen, thinking I would sign but instead rip the papers apart. He has wasted eleven years of my life and he thinks he can still be the one to walk out? I am tired of his cheating ways and if someone has to walk out, it will be me but not until I am done with his cheating ass.
..