I am sitting on the floor in my room my heart is thumping with a mixture of pain and hurt. Its beating incredibly fast the pounding is loud in my ears.
The anger demon in me is slowly fading away but I don’t feel relieved because of what’s happening to my body. The thumping pain is beginning to make me sick, i am breathing heavily through my mouth & my entire body is shivering despite the beads of sweat that are falling down my face. I close my eyes for a few minutes.
The room begins to spin faster until I can’t take it anymore. I lie on the floor and close my eyes again.
My bedroom door creaks open a few moments later and mum walks in.
I am trying to take slow deep breaths but I am finding it difficult to take in any air.
She gets down on her knees next to me, ‘Breath! Breath!’ she whispers.
My heart is thudding even harder and my head is pounding. I feel so sick, suddenly bile rises at the pit of my throat I quickly rush for the toilet bowl and throw up.
Mum is standing right behind me, she has her hand on my back rubbing it slowly and saying I will be fine.
Afterwards, I stand up, walk towards the sink and splash some water on my face and pat it dry with a towel. I walk back into my room feeling a whole lot better.
‘What happened?’ mum asks as I lie down on my bed, I seriously don’t feel like talking to anyone.
‘Please leave me alone,’ I say, my voice comes out as a soft, weak squeak.
‘Trish, you need to schedule an appointment with Charlotte.’
‘I said I want to be left alone.’
‘Please,’ I plead
‘I am going out call me when you need me.’
‘Sure,’ I manage a weak smile.
She opens the door, walks out and closes it behind my back.
I was this close to killing Miriam, if they had not stopped me on time, I would have surely ended her life.
I have dealt with anger issues ever since I was young, I am quiet short tempered, when provoked my anger spirals out of control, I usually feel a surge in me something that is uncontrollable. When I am upset I feel consumed by a strange force and that surge comes out as my anger.
As a child, I always flew into tantrums at home, at school or while playing with my friends. I guess this the reason I don’t have any friends now.
Normally I was asked, ‘what the hell is wrong with you? Can’t you be like other children your age? Why are you always moody and harsh towards others?’
They all thought I was abnormal but from my perspective, I was normal. They just didn’t understand me.
When Alex became my friend, I was thrilled, I felt he understood me and treated me a whole lot better than everyone else. He was my go to person and more.
Everything was perfect until he met Janet. That girl ruined everything for me.
Alex was deeply in love with her, I could see it in his eyes when he talked about her. I was angry, I asked him to choose between me and her, guess what? He chose her.
He told me he loved me only as a friend but he loved Janet more than that. He wanted to build a life with her he wanted her to be the mother of his unborn children.
Have you ever built your life around someone for years only for him to look you in the eyes and tell you it’s not you he wants?
I felt a slew of emotions, rage, anger, confusion. I was a mess, for months I couldn’t function. I was overwhelmed & frustrated. I felt vulnerable, I had to attack.
I have given Yedda enough warnings I just hope she stays away from Alex. When provoked, I am hostile, angry and aggressive. I am not a person she would want to mess with.
‘I think we should leave, I am not feeling too fine,’ Lulu rises to her feet.
Zaria and her boyfriend abruptly left without finishing their meal after she received a phone call.
‘What’s wrong?’ I ask sounding uninterested.
‘Wesley just take me home,’ she snaps
‘Whatever!’ I say standing up too.
‘Guys we better get going, we shall hang out again soon. Thank you for coming.’
‘Cheers,’ Victor says
‘I will be leaving as well,’ Zach stands
‘But I thought you would stay a little bit,’ Sabrina says
‘You thought wrong.
‘Cheers bruh,’ we fist bump before he leaves.
On the ride back home both Lulu and I are quiet and quiet irritated. I don’t know why I felt this way when I saw Zaria with another man. And the fact that she had this huge smile playing on her lips makes things worse there was a time when I was the only one who could make her smile. Does she love him like she loved me? Is she using him to get back at me?
‘So you are thinking of her?’ Lulu breaks the silence
She clicks her tongue looks outside the window.
We continue driving in silence. I pull into my driveway about thirty minutes later. Lulu gets out of the car and slams the door behind her before she quickly walks into the house.
I lock up the car and hurriedly follow her into the house.
‘What is wrong with you?’ I ask angrily
She looks at me, shakes her head and clicks her tongue.
I hold her hand, ‘What the f**k is wrong with you?’
She yanks her hand off my grip, ‘I should be asking you that question.’
‘Are you f**king still in love in with Zaria?’ she asks, she is directly looking into my eyes.
I keep quiet.
‘You heard me.’
‘What sort of stupid question is that?’
‘Are you still in love with Zaria?’
‘I chose to be with you, what makes you think I am still in love with my Ex?’
‘You chose to be with me only because I fell pregnant so are you still in love with her?’ ‘No.’
‘Then act like it, I am your woman now and I will not allow you to have eyes for other women.’ ‘Is that why you are acting up?’
‘I saw how you were drooling on her.’
‘You are just being insecure.’
‘I am being protective of what’s mine.’
‘Don’t f**k with me Wesley, I could really mess you up.’ ‘Threats?’
‘I am serious.’
‘You know what, I need to rest I am really tired.’