‘When you give someone everything like you’re married, eventually you might feel the pain like a divorce too,’ Darryl Cherry
I am lying on the floor on my back and tears are continuously coming out of my eyes. I am crying so hard, so hard that my body is now riddled with hiccups as I squirm about on the floor.
I can’t stand to think of Wesley marrying another woman, starting a new life, starting a family with her. How can this be happening to me right now, I thought I had it all figured out, I never thought this would ever happen to me, I was so sure our love would last forever.
How will I break this news to my girls, what will my father say? He was never for the idea of me moving in with Wes in the first place but I begged him till he allowed me to. He doesn’t even know I used part of the money mum left me to help Wes start up his company.
Oh, God, he is gonna kill me.
And what about social media, how do I start pulling down our photos? How do I change my relationship from ‘In a relationship with Wesley to single’ people will talk, I will be mocked. Five years and I walk away with nothing.
My world has shifted.
I will never be the same again, my body aches way too much, will I heal from this? Will I ever find someone or maybe it’s too late for me?
The night drags on for me, I can’t sleep. I am looking into the darkness wondering if darkness is all my life will contain after this. I don’t even have the energy to stand up and go to the bedroom.
The tears can’t stop pouring from my eyes. I have never cried this much my whole life.
When it is finally morning, my voice is almost gone and my head is pounding so hard, I feel like it’s about to explode.
I stand up and head to the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror I stare into my eyes, they are puffy and red I look terrible. Who is this woman staring back at me?
I feel like a completely different person inside.
I drag myself into the bathroom and take a cold short shower when I step out, I quickly get dressed. I walk into the kitchen and make myself a hot cup of black tea.
A few minutes later, I hear the living room door open and footsteps click on the floor.
He walks into the kitchen.
‘Hey,’ he says
‘Hello,’ I respond without looking up.
‘How are you?’
‘You expect me to answer that question?’
‘We need to talk.’
‘What more do you wanna say?’ I ask, ‘Have you changed your mind? Have you realized you wanna be with me?’
He briefly closes his eyes, ’No.’
I want to yell and scream at him but I don’t have the energy to do so. I am tired.
‘You are going to move in with her?’ I ask
‘No,’ he shakes his head, ‘She is against cohabiting, she will only move in with me when I marry her.’
‘That stings,’ I manage a smile as I feel a tear slid down my cheeks.
My hands are shaky and my knees feel weak, I can feel him looking at me but I don’t look up, I don’t want him to see how much he has broken me.
‘I want you to have the other house and the company will be paying you every month…,’
I laugh out loud cutting him short before he can finish his sentence, ‘Was this relationship a business deal to you?’
‘I am trying to make amends for hurting you.’
‘And you think this house and a few cents will carter for the emotional damage too?’
‘This is an insult Wes, if you want to pay me for what I spent on you then pay it in full. You started that company with my money, I paid your workers for the first few months with my money and you are here telling me you will start paying me back. Pay me in full right now,’ I snap at him
‘You know I can’t pay everything at once.’
‘Then keep your money. I will pack and leave by the time you get back from work I will be gone.’ ‘Zaria,’ he starts to speak but I put a finger to my lips to tell him to keep quiet, I am done talking. Two creases etch his forehead, ‘I will go and get ready for work,’ he says ‘Okay.’
As I prepares for work, I decide to call my boss and ask for a week off work, I can’t function I need a few days to get the hang of things and adjust to this new life.
‘Take care of yourself darling, let me know if you need more days,’ she says ‘A week will be enough ma and thank you for being understanding.’ ‘You are welcome.’
Then I text the girls and tell them I have some news for them but it will have to wait till they get back from work.
‘Zaria?’ he says
I had not seen him standing in the doorway not until he spoke out. I half turn and look at him.
He walks to me and throws his arms around my neck to embrace me, placing a kiss on my lips. The kiss is bittersweet, I slowly end it and we rest our foreheads together.
I pull away from him to feel tears trickling down my cheeks.
‘Tell me this has been a horrible dream lord let me wake up from this night mare.’
‘I guess this is goodbye,’ he says, ‘You will always be a part of my life, thank you for everything.’ I shut my eyes in an attempt to control my emotions,’ Goodbye,’ my voice cracks with emotion ‘Good bye,’ he says and just like that he is gone.
I feel overwhelmed and devastated, my heart hurts and I feel like I want to die. My phone suddenly rings and I quickly wipe my tears with the palm of my hand, its dad calling.
I clear my throat and try to be calm before I answer his call.
‘Daddy!’ I say trying to sound as normal as possible.
‘My baby,’ he says worriedly.
‘Your boss just called me, she says you asked for a few days off work because you are unwell, what’s wrong?’
‘I am fine,’ I lie
‘Zaria Nel! What is going on? From the tone in your voice it’s evident that you have been crying.’
I take a deep breath,’ Dad, I can’t tell you about it on phone.’
‘Can I come and see you?’
‘No, let me just get dressed, I will come and see you. Are you home?’
‘Will be there shortly.’
I head for the bedroom and pull my suitcases out I place them on the bed and start dumping in my belonging without folding them.
It takes me three good hours- three hours to finally finish packing my stuff. I hoist the suitcases off the bed and start towards the door.
When I get to the garage, I open the trunk of my car and place the suitcases in. I go back into the house and bring more suitcases, thirty minutes later and I am finally done putting them in.
I lock the door and place the keys under the flower pot which is outside the door. I walk to my car but before I get in, I look back at the house and I feel my emotions whirling.
I finally get into the car then put the car in gear and pull out of the driveway.
I am trying so hard not to fall apart. It is hard for me to drive while wiping the tears off my cheeks every minute.
I am driving to dad’s house first then I will drive to the girls house later, that’s where I will be staying.
A gambling Heart