EMOTIONALLY_DETACHED
_03_
CAMY
Nothing hurts more, than seeing your man in the presence of another woman and not any other woman but one that has once brought you great pain in the past.
Steph knew that I loved him and maybe that was the mistake that I made, I had given him all my time and invested all of my heart into our relationship only for him to give me half of what I gave.
At first it was all lovey dovey, he treated me like a queen. He called at whatever time of the day and always made sure to see me whenever he could. His work was never an excuse and I would spend my weekends at his place till he slowly started to drift away. I did everything right in the book, I even begged for him not to break us apart because my life was solely dependent on us but he did just that.
After talking and yelling and screaming and nagging and begging and crying; I finally realized that his emotions were not with me anymore. He was detached not only to the relationship but to me as a person and I couldn’t continue fighting for a person that didn’t want to be fought for. I wasn’t going to strain my heart with someone that didn’t show a need to treat me right.
So I slowly began to withdraw my emotions, I began to pay attention to my education, my passions, my work and my sisters. Deep within me I knew I still loved him; a whole lot but I couldn’t continue living in the oceans he had created or else I would drown, so I took a step backwards and allowed myself to watch from the side lines; making sure to breathe in all this.
I got to my room and placed the pizza on the table, I had assignments pending and so I had decided to get the food and lock myself inside the house the whole day.
Thoughts of Ntombi came rushing like a violent wind and I felt my heart ache, she was everything I was not. I was a beautiful short slender girl whilst she was tall and had curves in all the right places. When I first met her I knew she spelt trouble
but that was not much of a worry as I had trusted Marvin; my boyfriend at the time.
I shook my head and concentrated on my assignments as I ate the pizza which was now getting cold. The knock on the door disturbed me.
I looked at the time and it was just after lunch, I wasn’t expecting anyone to come through so I was a little surprised.
My heart leaped when I saw him standing there, boy did I still crush over him but I had to play tough or he would continue to trample over me.
‘Are you going to come in or you will just stand there?’ I asked
He scratched his head.
‘Suit yourself.’ I said getting back to my work
From the corner of my eye, I saw him lock the door then settle on the bed. He wasn’t saying anything and even though I was dying to know what he was doing with Ntombi or how he knew her I decided silence would be the best medicine to give him.
‘You haven’t opened the envelop?’ he asked obviously looking at the khaki still sealed envelop he had left in the morning
‘I have been busy.’
‘Too busy to even check how much is in there?’ he asked
I really wanted to give him a piece of my mind, I really wanted to tell him what I had been holding down for too long but I refused to make him turn me into a person that I wasn’t.
‘Camy I asked you a question.’
‘They are more important things than money Steph.’ I replied lazily
‘What is that supposed to mean?’
I breathed in then out, I wasn’t going to have this relapse. I had been strong for too long to give up now.
‘Camy.’
I turned to face him
‘What present did I give you for your last birthday?’ I asked staring him in the eye He laughed a little.
‘So it is about that?’ he asked
‘You know I apologized a number of times.’ He added
‘You haven’t answered my question.’ I said not once dropping my gaze ‘Well it was a plant.’
‘And what were the instructions.’
He opened his eyes a little widely
‘I am not doing this with you right now.’ He said getting up and heading to the door
‘Fine, leave that is the best you have been doing nowadays not so?’ ‘Babe is there something I am missing here?’ he asked ‘Since you can’t remember’
I didn’t even finish the sentence
‘You said that I should water it every day and not let it die.’
‘That is not what I said, I told you that the plant was going to be like our relationship. I wanted you to invest in it like you would with us, I told you to be gentle and kind and tender with it but it died in three days.’
I swallowed hard
‘God damn it Camy I apologized for that, it has been a year for crying out loud and it was just a plant.’
‘I could have bought you anything in the world because you know for us I would go to the ends of the earth but I chose that particular gift because it had life in it. I placed an emotional attachment to it, I couldn’t have bought clothes or accessories knowing those things are just dead and could be replaced at any time.’ I screamed much to my surprise for the muscle he had touched
‘Camy.’
‘Leave Steph.’ I said putting my foot down
‘What?’
‘You heard me and I choose not to repeat myself, leave my place.’ I told him again
He looked at me with disbelief before turning on his heels to leave.
‘What has gotten into you?’
‘The right question should be what has gotten into you?’ I said getting back to my work
I started perusing through the papers on the table as I heard the door open and close, I loved him a whole lot but love wasn’t going to make me lose my mind. If he wasn’t ready to commit then I would let him go.