#EMOTIONALLY_DETACHED
_25_
MARVIN
“Wake up every morning with the agenda to leave healed footprints.” – Thabo JM Nothing could have prepared me for the call that I got from Camilla, Lord knows I still loved her but at times love can be poisonous and it is better to love from afar. I dropped the towel that was around my waist and walked to the closet butt naked, I like my privacy and my space; more reason people talked about me and said that I was selfish but I guess I just loved being alone.
I picked out a fresh pair of boxers, vest then got a pair of shorts and a round collar t shirt. I walked to the kitchen and poured myself a hot cup of coffee as I stared at the bacon outside.
I had done well for myself and honestly speaking this is not where I imagined my life to be, I always thought by this age I would be happily married to the woman I loved and maybe a kid on the way.
I was a family man and messing around was not in my system.
I stared hard when I saw my gate man opening the gate, it was probably Camilla. My heart ached when she walked in, she was in a long black dress with a gold hand bag on her left hand.
I couldn’t believe that she was the same innocent girl I had once fallen in love with, now she looked different. She had let her guard down and in the process had burnt down her walls. She looked pale and her eyes swollen, she was not the same person I had fallen madly and insanely in love with.
I walked over and met her just by the door step, I held her tightly and allowed her to cry. She dropped her bag to the ground and just broke down like a little child. As she cried I allowed myself to soothe her back, I know I was upset and I couldn’t let my cousin down but I couldn’t do her wrong all because of the mistakes she had made.
When she had calmed down, I led her into the house whilst carrying her bag. I asked her to seat on one of the couches and prepared her a cup of hot black tea. ‘Here, this will help calm your nerves.’ I told her
She took it gratefully and held the mug tightly as if her life depended on the heat from there. I went to the bedroom and brought her a fleece blanket with some socks, I helped her put them on then covered her with the blanket as she continued to drink the tea in silence.
I went back to the kitchen and poured myself another cup of coffee, I texted
Raquel telling her Camilla was with me and she just replied with an okay.
When I went back to the living room she had started crying again.
‘Hush.’ I said sitting next to her
‘Please don’t continue hurting yourself Camilla.’ I begged but she couldn’t stop crying
‘I was played Marvin, I allowed my emotions to take charge and look at where I am now.’ She said crying some more
I had an idea of what she was talking about but I wanted to hear it from the horse’s mouth.
‘Tell me what is wrong with you.’ I said
She wiped the tears with the back of her hand and drunk from her cup again. ‘Raquel didn’t hurt me.’ She began
It sounded like a familiar song because I knew my cousin wasn’t capable of hurting anyone
‘It was Nthombi’s doing.’ I looked at her with disbelief, I had never thought that Nthombi would go to such heights just for a man.
‘She called me and told me that Raquel didn’t deserve to be with Stephen, the whole accident was fake just to make Raquel look bad. I thought she was helping me but in actual sense she was just helping me push Stephen further away from me.’ She paused and allowed some tears to drop again
‘Do you love Stephen?’ I asked her even though I knew that the answer would break my heart
She kept quiet
‘Camilla if you want help you need to help yourself, no matter how many people you tell your problems for as long as you keep sitting on them; you won’t be helped.’ I said seriously
‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘Camilla it is high time you reflect on yourself, when I met you; you were this innocent young lady with a future so bright. I honestly looked at you and told myself that in a few years’ time I wouldn’t mind making you my wife. But now.’ I paused
She looked at me
‘But now what?’
‘Now you are just the shadow of what you used to be, look at how things have been moving in your life. You are leaving in another woman’s home, do you have an idea what people are saying about you out there?’ I paused so that she could feel the gravity of my concerns
‘I do1nt care what people say.’
‘God damn it Camilla for once just think!’ I yelled then silence followed
‘You are an outstanding student but of late your performance at school has even gone down, Stephen once loved you yes. You guys had a good relationship going but is it the same? Is it worth it? Does he still look at you the same or maybe you are just seeing what you want to? And you honestly think breaking his home will make yours a better haven? Woman you are walking on egg shells.’ I said
She was quiet for a while
‘I just wanted us to have what we had back in the days, I just wanted to feel loved like he did me before.’
‘Camilla Stephen hurt you and you need to learn to move on, yes it hurts now but it is darkest before dawn. It will get better with time. Some days you will hate him, other days he will be the only poison you want to drink of and even if it kills you; seeing yourself bleed will give you life. Then you will wake up another day and tell yourself that you deserve better, then and only then will you start working on yourself. I am not saying that you have to hate him but if leaving with him only kills you then maybe it is high time you start afresh. Away from everything, from all of us.’
‘You want to leave me too?’ she asked
‘I am not going anywhere, but your healing won’t come by being close to me. You need time with yourself, time to heal and reflect on only making yourself a better person.’ I said kissing her forehead as more tears dropped