November 29th, 2019. 2:08PM 33
OLIPA
I look at the files for the millionth time, Thelma is giving me back my rights as Olivia’s mother. I don’t know what to think or feel because despite me wanting to put up a fight and win over Mulife, I still love my little girl.
‘Mummy are you okay?’ She asks yawning ‘Yes, baby I am fine.’ I say smiling
Mulife called me the previous night telling me that Thelma had decided to give me back rights to Olivia, they wouldn’t press charges for kidnapping her but were trusting that I would love her genuinely because he was sure she was the only thing that would keep me sane.
I heard Lackson lost his campaign, I don’t want to know how or why but I am just glad that he is getting everything that he deserves. I have done a lot of bad things but the way he treated me was unacceptable and I would never allow him to come close to my child again.
‘It’s time to leave princess.’ I say waking Olivia up ‘Okay mummy.’ She says slowly and lazily getting up
Mulife bought us a house in Namibia, initially it is in Olivia’s name but still I
couldn’t be more grateful. I just want to start my life all over and this will be great. ‘Mummy.’
‘Yes baby.’
‘I hope daddy and Mummy Thelma will be happy.’ She says catching me off guard ‘Of course, they will be.’ I say with a smile
I have done a lot of thinking whilst here, and I have come to the acceptance that I never really loved Mulife. I loved the idea that came with being in love with him, I loved the idea of being his wife that I ended up missing out on myself. Missing out on loving myself better not just for me but for my daughter too.
I look at the apartment I have been leaving in for the last time, this is it. This is goodbye and I am leaving this life behind, life doesn’t give most people second chances but here I am and I promise myself inwardly to make the most out of it.
**
I have never been this nervous, I can almost feel my pits getting wet as I wait in the backroom before heading to church. I have tried fixing my tie a million times over but I just can’t seem to get it right.
‘Let me help with that.’
I smile before turning around.
‘You look so handsome.’ Mum says
I hug her tightly glad that she is here, I notice the tremendous weight that she has lost, the br**st cancer has taken a huge tore on her worse off my father’s attitude towards her and life.
‘I am happy to see you.’
‘So am I.’ I say still holding her but careful not to hurt her ‘Now let me fix that for you.’
I let her help me.
‘You know, I remember helping you with this when you were growing up. Always hoped that someday you would eventually get it right.’
‘I guess I never did.’ I say with a chuckle ‘No, you didn’t.’
she laughs
‘There you go.’ She says looking at me lovingly
‘I am sorry I wasn’t the best mother a child could ask for.’ She begins ‘Mum.’
‘No Mulife, let me. This cancer shouldn’t all of a sudden make me a saint.’ She says with a chuckle
‘Really? Right now?’
She laughs
‘I wanted what was best for you, for all of you. But I guess along the way I forgot to allow you to be you, I thought you would become better if you lived the life I wanted for you. I should have allowed you to be your own man, not allowing your father to lay down the rules for you or your brothers.’
‘I turned out alright, so you don’t need to blame yourself.’ ‘Look at Lackson.’ She says now sitting down
‘Mother you did what you could, Lackson is an adult and it is not your fault that he turned out as a bad seed.’ I comfort
‘You have always been a good boy, I knew you would make me proud.’
‘I guess dad doesn’t feel the same way.’ I say hurt in my voice, he might be many things but he is still my father and every child wants to make their parents proud.
‘Your father will come around, one way or the other he will. Just let him swallow his pride.’
‘How are you? How have you been?’
She smiles weakly
‘Honestly, I am dying.’ She says ‘Mother.’
She smiles again
‘Mulife I have lived my life to the fullest, I have been loved by the best. I have wonderful children but I guess it is time for me, maybe not today or tomorrow but I can feel it coming. My only regret is not leaving your father when I had the
chance.’
I look at her, I know things haven’t exactly been perfect between them. He has found solace in young girls at his age which knows about but she has decided to take care of herself better and not mind him.
‘Doesn’t it hurt?’
‘Knowing that he is defiling your vows?’ I add in query
‘Is that even a question to ask? I have been married to him for a very long time not to be affected by his ways. A part of me still greatly loves him but the cancer hurts more than the heart ache, so I choose to take care of my health.’
‘You are the strongest woman I know. Even in the next life I still want you for a mother.’
She smiles and comes to kiss my forehead ‘Now let’s get you to church.’ She says
Winnie