“Life is about choices! Some we regret some we’re proud of. Some will haunt us forever. We are what we choose to be.”
FOUR MONTHS LATER
My life is a mess, the decisions I made in the past screwed me up.
I am at a point in my life where I am struggling with loneliness. I have disconnected from the world around me, the shame is too much for me to bear.
The situation I found myself in wasn’t part of the plan that I had envisioned for my life at this moment in time. The birth of Lulu’s child shook my perspective on my life decisions quiet significantly.
Speaking of Lulu, she gave birth a few months ago. A few weeks after Zaria got engaged, well I have been stalking Zaria and I know she got engaged and is yet to get married soon.
A few months ago, Sabrina called to inform me that Lulu was in labour and she asked me to meet her at the hospital. I dropped everything I was doing and rushed to the hospital.
When I got to the hospital, I was told she had already given birth to a baby girl, I was directed towards her room, upon getting there, I found Lulu crying, her expression was far too sad for a woman who had just become a mother.
‘What’s wrong?’I asked
Lulu gazed up at me with a look of sadness and pain.
‘Sabrina where is my baby? Is she okay? Why do you people look as though you are mourning?’ I helplessly asked.
‘I am so sorry Wes,’ Lulu cried
‘Sorry for what?’
‘For–,’ she was interrupted by the nurse who walked into the room carrying a baby wrapped in a pink blanket.
‘Little miss sunshine is perfectly fine, you should be able to go home as soon,’ the nurse said
‘Is that my baby?’ I asked
‘You are the father?’ she asked
She gave me a quizzical look and handed the baby to Lulu before she turned and walked out of the room. When I took a glimpse of the baby, I was speechless.
Sabrina quickly excused herself and left the room.
I just stood there and stared at the baby for ages.
‘Whose baby is this?’ I finally found the courage to speak.
‘Who is the father of this baby?’
‘Who is the father of this baby?’ I raised my voice I must have scared the baby because she started crying.
The baby had Asian characteristics and there was no way in hell I would be the father.
After I questioned her, Lulu confessed that she had been sleeping with a Chinese man before we met. In her defense, she said she stopped sleeping with the man after she became intimate with me so when she discovered she was pregnant, she was sure the baby was mine.
I was too angry to listen to her bullshit so I stormed out of the hospital and never returned. I haven’t seen Lulu in four months now I blocked her numbers and stopped sending her money.
I have so many regrets right now, the decisions I made in the past are haunting me, if I could turn back the hands of time, I swear I would stick to Zaria, well I guess it’s too late now because Zaria is with someone else and from the look of things she seems to be so happy.
Wanna see who your real friends are? Screw up and see whose still there. I haven’t heard from Sabrina for three months now, she ditched me when I needed her the most. She just detached from me when I gave birth to Tilile- I named her Tilile because she has brought nothing but tears into my life.
Things have gone from bad to worse since I had this child I seriously thought the child was Wesley’s, if I knew she belonged to that foolish man I would have aborted.
Now I have to live with the shame of raising her alone, I am so broke right now I can hardly afford to pay rent I don’t even know who to turn to or where to go for help.
I groan and slowly open my eyes, as my blurry vision focuses I realise where I am.
I am in a familiar small room the walls of this room are painted white. There is a small mattress in one corner, a table and a small chair in another corner. I am sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall thinking about the harsh sentence that the judge gave me.
I try to act strong but inside I am falling apart, it hasn’t even been a year but this place feels like hell, how will I survive 30 years? It’s too much, I just want to die.
A few minutes later, the door is opened and a man walks in.
‘Hello,’ he says ‘How are you doing?’
I blink at him slowly but choose not to respond, how am I supposed to feel? Can’t he see the conditions I am in? At this point I am not feeling anything, just emptiness.
‘I have some good news for you,’ he says
I ignore him and stare blankly at the floor , the only good news I wanna hear is that I am leaving this place and going back home.
‘You are going back to the normal cell to join your friends today and your mother is here to see you.’
‘My mother?’ I ask
I stand up instantly and walk after him, dragging my feet against the floor. I smell bad i haven’t had a bath in weeks now. I have been locked up in solitary confinement. It is awful in there. No one to talk to I thought I was gonna lose my mind thank God I will be taken to a normal cell now.
Soon we get to the visiting room with various people sitting about. I frown when I find Maureen waiting up for me I thought it was my mother. What the hell does she want?
She stands, ‘My child.’
I click my tongue, ‘I will never be your child what do you want?’
‘I am here to see how you are doing.’
‘I am fine, leave now.’
Tears begin flooding her eyes and before I know it she is crying, I pull a chair and sit down.
‘I am sorry my child.’
‘What have you brought?’ I ask
She hands me a plastic and I check to see its contents – some bread, drink and fruits. I pull out the bread and start eating then I take a sip from the drink. It’s as if someone is chasing me. I am very hungry.
‘Thank you for the food,’ I stand up after a while feeling much better.
‘You are welcome.’
I signal for the officer to escort me back.
‘Can I atleast hug you before you go?’ she asks
‘Don’t get ahead of yourself.
The officer grabs my hand and escorts me back to the cell.
I beam at the reflection on the mirror as I gaze at the girl on the other side. Her strapless gown of semi embodied fabric accentuates her waist, hugging her hips and flared out a bit.
She is also wearing a two-tier veil with a matching crystal head-peace.
The girl in the mirror is me, Zaria Nel and soon to be Zaria Mumbi in less than an hour.
‘You look absolutely beautiful my princess,’ dad barges into the room waking me from my reverie.
‘Thank you daddy, you don’t look bad yourself.’
‘As the father to the bride I should make s statement,’ he laughs
‘I wanted to give you something let this be your something old,’ he holds out a little black box.
I open the tiny box revealing a pair of beautiful diamond earrings.
‘These belonged to your mother she wore them on her wedding day. I want you to have them.’
As he fixed the earrings on my ears, I was close to bursting in tears.
‘Thank you so much dad, mum is at peace wherever she is,’ I sniff
‘Don’t cry, you are gonna ruin your make up,’ he says
‘I am just a bit emotional I can’t believe I am finally getting married.’
‘When the time is right the lord always makes it happen,’ he says
‘I am proud of you darling and no matter what you will always be my little Zee, I want you to know that you can always count on me.’
‘Oh daddy,’ I cry
He pulled me close to him and wrapped his arms around him.
‘I love you.’
‘I love you even more buddy.’
Afterwards, I spread a blanket on the floor and get down on my knees so he can bless me.
He lays his hand on my head.
‘You are my priceless gift, I shall forever be grateful to God for giving me the honour of being your father. I wish you and your husband a blessed life. I pray your home is blessed with love, laughter and joy. I pray that give you have long healthy marriage in which both you and your husband will remain faithful to one another throughout all seasons of life.’
‘Amen!’ the girls scream as they barge into the room too.
‘Girls you look beautiful,’ he says
‘Thank you daddy, the way you look handsome. Lord,’ Melanie says
We all burst out laughing, ‘Don’t let mummy precious catch you eyeing her man,’ Yedda says
‘Oh please, I am just appreciating my daddy.’ ‘Whatever.’
‘We need to get along, let me just check if the cars are ready. You girls do some sister chatting,’ he struts out of the room leaving me and the girls.
‘Eh finally!’ Melanie screams
‘Nati finally,’ Yedda responds
‘Naipeza mbambo,’ I laugh
‘The way I am so ready to dance, I want to turn that wedding upside down,’ says Melanie
‘Please dance respectably,’ Yedda says
‘To please who?’
‘Fool,’ I say
‘Okay back to normal, this is serious business,’ she makes up a serious face. ‘Zaria Nel we are so happy for you my lady, you should see how my heart is overwhelmed with excitement. We love you baby and we wish you a happy and long lasting marriage.’
‘And please remember we’ve got your back and if Xavier does anything silly we are one call away. I still have some buffalo beans set aside for any stupid in-laws,’ she says.
‘You are dramatic sister,’ Yedda says, ‘But seriously baby we are excited for you, may God bless you with lots of lots children.’
‘Girls, we have to get going,’ dad calls out.
The girls and I share a group hug then we get a few photos, they hand me my banquet of flowers and we are ready to leave.
I am standing at the corner of the church doors .Daddy is standing beside me his arm linked in mine. I am waiting nervously and patiently, I will soon walk down the aisle to meet my husband to be.
‘The one I’ve waited for, my love’s desire. The one he kept for me until it was time, the one that I dreamed about—–,’ Maurette Brown’s the one he kept for me
begins to play.
We walk slowly onto the long red carpet that stretches across the church, all eyes lock on me as I walk towards Xavier. He is wearing a blue single br**sted tuxedo with a white –wing collar shirt.
The music stops as my father hands me over to him and we stand in front of the altar.
The priest then begins the ceremony with a prayer and afterwards he starts preaching. A moment later, he leads us through our vows then afterwards it is time for the exchange of rings.
My heart skips a beat and I am overwhelmed with joy when the priest finally says, ‘By the power vested in me, I now proclaim you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride.’
I gently lift the veil look at her with a smile, then I lean in slowly until she grows impatient and meets me halfway, I press my lips on hers, passionately kissing her.
Everyone cheers Melanie and Yedda are screaming right behind us, ‘Give us iwe.’
‘You look beautiful my wife,’ I breathe
‘And you are as fine as ever, my husband.’
‘Ladies and gentle men,’ the priest says, ‘allow me to introduce the new couple in town. Mr. & Mrs. Mumbi.’
They all applaud and stand.
My wife and I walk out of the church, arms linked with huge smiles on our faces. The best men and women, followed by the groomsmen and bridesmaids follow suit, walking behind us.
We finally stop in front of the church, family and friends pause for hugs and photos.
‘Mum and dad, I am so happy for you,’ Xandria says ‘Thank you my darling,’ Zaria responds
The girls are screaming, dancing and making too much noise, everyone is staring at them, lord these girls are dramatic.
They get into their car and she lays her head on his chest, he wraps his hand around her. As the car drives off, they can’t help but share another kiss this is where they belong- in each other’s arms.
She is his and he is hers, forever.
‘I love you,’ he whispers
‘I love you too,’ she says, her heart is filled with joy, she is glad she waited for him.
She gazes up at him with an appreciation she can’t hide, ‘I am glad I met you.’
He bends his head and kiss her again softly, filled with happiness and acceptance, she kisses him back.
“It’s so amazing when someone comes to your life and you expect nothing out of it but suddenly there, right in front of you is everything you’ve ever needed.’
A gambling Heart